SweetSugaryWords . //

Absence ,

2011-06-01T01:18:00.001-07:00

One day, I drew this colourful bird for you.
You threw it away, you threw it away.
The other time, I wrote a song for you.
You tore it away, you to.re it away.

Why do I do,
everything for you.
You don't know how it feels.
When you have so many people by your side,
and I'm sitting on the swing, all alone.

Why, do you, forget me so easily.
When I try to give you alot to remember?
Why, do I, try so hard each time,
When I know, I won't succeed, I remember.

Everytime, I held your hand. So tight.
You let it go, you let me go.
Then everytime, I cry.
You won't sing me a lullaby.

I keep trying to be someone I'm not.
Trying so hard,
you don't know how it feels,
you had the gift of god.
You don't have to try.

Why, do you replace me so easily.
Am I really that easy to forget?
Why, do I try so hard to be,
someone I'm not, who I am.

If you really held memories,
I guess I wouldnt be here alone.
But you just let it go,
so here I am, on my own.

Now, you're with your new friends.
You're always fitting in like a trend.
I try hard enough to be like you.
But you don't see me like I do.

Im so invisable.
So replacable.
My absence don't even bother you.
Im so forgettable.
So rejectable.
My presence don't even alert you.

Can you see me now.
When will you realise, you left me hanging by a thread.

Why do you, do this to me.
I try so hard to be with you.
Why do you leave me like this.
When you know, I'll be dying.

Poor dying man .

2011-04-27T02:26:00.001-07:00

I'm beginning to hate myself,
hating myself because of you.
You said I can't do anything,
can't even do what humans do.

I know I'm a useless thing,
a thing that can never be removed,
from your tragedy.
All the things I never tried to do.
Because im usually wrong.
And I don't dare to move on.
Because im usually on my own.
Now you're with me, i dont feel alone.

But you got to, take who i really am.
And if this girl not cut out for you,
then you leave me to, be alone again.
Because this girl dont want you to,
suffer like this, you poor dying man.

I know in this broken love do,
Im the one we should blame.
I'll be there, but I dont know how to.
and I'm so ashamed.

Because i really love you,
but im breaking you down.
Maybe im never the one for you.
But you just keep me around.
All the things you tried to do,
make my little things dont matter.
I always give up in the end.
Because I know you'll do better.

But you got to, take who i really am.
And if this girl not cut out for you,
then you leave me to, be alone again.
Because this girl dont want you to,
suffer like this, you poor dying man.

Dying man, I don't need your attention.
You're my hero, so please, save yourself.
I can do nothing, nothing at all to help.
So dying man, I don't need your attention.

I dont know what to do,
when I said I'll be there,
will i really be there?
Yes, i will. I just dont know how.
I don't know how to do.
When i said i'll be there.
I'll really be there for you.

But you got to, take who i really am.
And if this girl not cut out for you,
then you leave me to, be alone again.
Because this girl dont want you to,
suffer like this, you poor dying man.

Because this broken girl,
dont know how to show love.
And if you want this girl,
you got to take her for who she is.
This girl know it hurts,
but she can't do anything about it.

God, if I can't save this dying man,
will you save him for me?
Shooting stars, if I ever see you again,
can you please grant my wish?
And save this dying man from this shit.

Baby and me .

2011-02-12T09:59:00.001-08:00

Baby and me. We used to be so close.
All the possible things we could once do.
Baby and me. We were so close.
All the lovely things we could once say.

And the time has come and swept us away.
The story's written but we walked our own ways.
To somewhere far along a separated place.
And god, wont keep us together.
No more.

Baby, i wanted you to write me a love story.
Baby, i wanted you to be my darling prince.
I dont have to live in a castle so big,
i dont have to live in a palace or a building.
I just live with you, and I'll be happy.
Baby, i wanted, i wanted you to write me a love story.

Baby and me, we once used to be everything.
We could always be anything we wanted to be.
Baby and me, we were once so happy.
after, god tear our picture from the love story.

Then god, put us somewhere so far,
where i reach out and cant reach to you.
Then god, laughed and smiled as we drifted.
When all i could do is to see you went away.
And oh god, it felt pain.

Baby, i wanted you to write me a love story.
Baby, i wanted you to be my darling prince.
I dont have to live in a castle so big,
i dont have to live in a palace or a building.
I just live with you, and I'll be happy.
Baby, i wanted, i wanted you to write me a love story.

Baby and me, god just hated us together.
You went on and lived your life.
Me and myself, i tried to move on forever.
But something's been eating me alive.

Dont you feel my pain?
Wont you catch my tears?
Come around, and tell me you miss me.
Dont you feel my hurt?
Wont you catch me?
Come around again, and tell me you love me.

You loved me.

Baby and me. I wanted a love story..

Baby, i wanted you to write me a love story.
Baby, i wanted you to be my darling prince.
I dont have to live in a castle so big,
i dont have to live in a palace or a building.
I just live with you, and I'll be happy.
Baby, i wanted, i wanted you to write me a love story.

Baby, before you leave,
wont you promise me,
to write a better love story ?

Missyoulovehimnohurtnotears ,

2011-02-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

Part of me is missing you,
part of me is leaving you.
But I dont miss your memories.
I miss the person I see.

Part of me is falling in love,
part of me is with someone else.
But every part of me isnt hurting.
Because some parts of me are missing.

I guess i left my mind with you,
one of the parts missing.
My heart is with someone else.
Its all feeling so damn confusing.

I guess i left my eyes with you,
the only part to search you through.
But my soul is with someone else.
And i dont want to be a splited fool.

Part of me is wanting you,
part of me dont need you.
But i dont miss your presence.
Though,I miss your exsistence.

Part of me is thinking of him.
Part of me is thinking of you.
And i dont know why,
dont know how.
Why and how to pull it through.

I guess i left my mind with you,
one of the parts missing.
My heart is with someone else.
Its all feeling so damn confusing.

I guess i left my eyes with you,
the only part to search you through.
But my soul is with someone else.
And i dont want to be a splited fool.

I guess your walking up your own way.
Finding up the ray of bright light.
While im walking up my own way,
together with someone i liked.

All the puzzles the joined in some way.
And roads began to crash.
But soon the time comes in,
and swept away what was left.

Part of me is turning numb..
No part of me is bleeding.
Part of me is hating you.
Part of me.
Part of me.

I guess i left my mind with you,
one of the parts missing.
My heart is with someone else.
Its all feeling so damn confusing.

I guess i left my eyes with you,
the only part to search you through.
But my soul is with someone else.
And i dont want to be a splited fool.

But no part of me is breaking.

If Life was written into a Book ,

2011-02-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

The colours pencils of my life,
the crystal ball of happiness.
The heart of stone that died,
the crystal ball smashed into pieces.

I tried to draw a picture of Love,
but my colour pencils got broken.
I tried to colour this blank piece of paper,
but half way, my tears began to open.
And drown the empty pages away.

My life isnt a fairytale story in a book,
My lifes a empty piece of paper,
and you are the one , tearing the pages away.
even though its empty, it puts you to shame.
Because you said, " Its just a boring book anyway."

The pencil that draws the line between us.
I look at the mirror, and you reflected.
I tore the paper of the line between us.
But you saw my reflection and sailed away.

I tried to write a Love letter,
to god.
To request if i could make life better.
Of course,
He didnt reply. He didnt give reply my prayers.
The silence drowned me away.

My life isnt a book full of empty pages.
My pages began to fly away, far away.
and you were the one, letting them go.
Making me and my heart empty and shallow.
Even though its boring and plain,
you should never let it go away.

Maybe your the one, holding on to my book.
Destroyed my life, burning the pages away.
Maybe your a bastard with all the blame.
Im not the one, not one to put you to shame.

I know, dearest, i know. Im not good enough.
But you should know, you know ,
one day the broken book will open up.
And it will tear you apart.

My life isnt a fairytale story in a book,
My lifes a empty piece of paper,
and you are the one , tearing the pages away.
even though its empty, it puts you to shame.
Because you said, " Its just a boring book anyway."

My life isnt a book full of empty pages.
My pages began to fly away, far away.
and you were the one, letting them go.
Making me and my heart empty and shallow.
Even though its boring and plain,
you should never let it go away.

Its okay if this is the chapter of pain,
I'll just turn the page.
I'll just turn the page..
And start a new life again..

Dear Love ; Sincerly Fear.

2011-02-01T05:04:00.000-08:00

If tomorrow will be like a fairytale story,
tomrrow the prince will come and save me.
If tomorrow everything runs perfectly smoothly,
if only, if only.

But the skies are getting darker.
All the fear and insercurity,
that damn monster's going to harm me.
I know its in my head, but i cant risk to bleed.

Maybe, just maybe in my fantasy,
You will hold me close just like my love story.
Maybe, just maybe in my shattered dreams,
You will be there for me, just like my love story.

If tomorrow it all ends well like a fairytale,
if tomorrow the monster's been slayed,
tomorrow will be just like an average day,
I cant see the ray of hope, not again.
If only , if only.

Lets pray tomorrow wont rain,
dont let the thunder contribute to my pain.
Panicking just like alittle kid,
Im so scared and i cant breathe.
Its all in my mind, but i dont want to bleed.

Maybe, just maybe in my fantasy,
You will hold me close just like my love story.
Maybe, just maybe in my shattered dreams,
You will be there for me, just like my love story

Is it over yet?
Is it gone?
Maybe im hiding in your arms.
Is it over yet?
Is it gone?
Has the monster been slayed?

Im too scared.
Im too scared.
Dont want to find out,
if its gone..
Im too scared.
Im so scared,
dont want to let out,
from your arm's warmth.

Maybe, just maybe in my fantasy,
You will hold me close just like my love story.
Maybe, just maybe in my shattered dreams,
You will be there for me, just like my love story.

Last night, i was reading a love story.
Maybe this is what caused this stupid dreams.
Last night, i was reading a love story.
Should have known it dont exist.. in reality.

Words hurt through beyond the skin

2011-01-12T06:06:00.000-08:00

Tonight, you start the fire.
Tonight, I burnt away.
Last night, you were the fire.
Tonight, I break away.

I tried,
to never let it die.
I tried,
and you didnt see my efforts.
You tried,
its alright, its enough.
You tried,
now all that is what matters.

You are the worst mistake,
I ever did fell for.
You were the reason,
that i let my guard down again.
You said harsh words,
ringing through my head.
You hurt me,
I hurt you,
and it is fair.

I think, Im so much better without you.
Who knew, you would turn into this.
I know, im never perfect.
At least, i have someone else who loves me.

I tried,
to save it all thats left
I tried,
and you didnt notice my pain.
You tried,
its alright, its okay.
You tried,
now I'll put this to an end.

You are the worst mistake,
I ever did fell for.
You were the reason,
that i let my guard down again.
You said harsh words,
ringing through my head.
You hurt me,
I hurt you,
and it is fair.

I know, I did my reflections.
I wont, cry for your existence.
Didnt I, saw this coming ?
Didnt I, exprience this before.

Where did i go wrong,
Am i that bad ?
Did i let you down ?

You should know now,
Im very sensitive.
But I wont cry.
I will keep on living.

My aching heart will bleed.
Its something inside.
That I cannot hold in.

Is it your mission,
to break me down?
Why did you do that,
Just now.
If you wanted to end this,
you could just do it.

Why did you have to add those words,
that words hurt through beyond the skin.

Im tired and broken .

2011-01-07T07:17:00.000-08:00

You are the light.
Thats leaving me.
In a dark place,
can i survive?
Who can see.

All i know,
got to find a way to live.
Without you.
Cant always depend on Love.

Love build me.
Love build me up and tear me down.
Loves loves me.
Loves loves to break the fragile things around.
Thats my heart.
My heart so soft and weak.
Thats my life.
My life without a heart is so empty.

You are the wind.
The wind that chases the rain away.
In a flooded place,
drowning me all away.
Who can see me.

All i know,
got to find a way to Live.
Tired and broken,
Who knew it turned out like This ?

Love build me.
Love build me up and tear me down.
Loves loves me.
Loves loves to break the fragile things around.
Thats my heart.
My heart so soft and weak.
Thats my life.
My life without a heart is so empty.

Dragging my soul to the end of the earth.
Where i reach for something I cant deserve.
Now i know where this ends,
To the valley of tears.
Where I find myself crying.
Im tired and broken,
Tired and broken.
Where is Love when I need it?

Love build me.
Love build me up and tear me down.
Loves loves me.
Loves loves to break the fragile things around.
Thats my heart.
My heart so soft and weak.
Thats my life.
My life without a heart is so empty.

Im tired and broken.
My efforts were wasted.
Im tired and broken.
Im tired, and broken.

I am here, with you.

2010-12-25T09:24:00.000-08:00

You look like your about to cry,
Tears all swollen up in your eyes.
Tears all so ready to fall.
Tears all so ready to roll down your beautiful face.
You tried to tell me whats been happening.
But your voice kept on shivering.

Your tears falling so perfectly.
Your eyes look away in denial.
Your head turns away to hide up the tears.
But dear, I see you here right now.

Dear, you dont have to look away.
I'll wipe these tears away for you.
Dear, please dont look away.
I'll be right here and I'll stay.
With you until you feel better again.

Your cries are stuck between your throat.
You bite against your teeth to hide it.
Your forcing your screams down again.
We sat there in the depth of silence,
but dear, dont worry. I wont go away.
I'll wait for you to tell me.
When you feel okay.

Your tears falling so perfectly.
Your eyes look away in denial.
Your head turns away to hide up the tears.
But dear, I see you here right now.

Dear, you dont have to look away.
I'll wipe these tears away for you.
Dear, please dont look away.
I'll be right here and I'll stay.
With you until you feel better again.

Are you feeling stronger yet?
Are you feeling better yet?
If your not its okay.
We'll wait til that day.

Cause sometimes, silence makes it easier.
To forget all those stupid pain.
Cause sometimes, i cant understand you either.
But its alright now, here i am. I'll stay.
With you , forever.
I'll be here. Until you get better.

Until somehow god takes your pain away.

Your tears falling so perfectly.
Your eyes look away in denial.
Your head turns away to hide up the tears.
But dear, I see you here right now.

Dear, you dont have to look away.
I'll wipe these tears away for you.
Dear, please dont look away.
I'll be right here and I'll stay.
With you until you feel better again.

Dear, please face me now.
You know I'll never laugh at you.
Dear, please look at me now.
I'll help you wipe your eyes for you.

Dear, I'll be with you.

Final Call ,

2010-12-21T12:41:00.000-08:00

Everyday you would feel the same.
All the same emotion I have seen.
The same tears rolling down your face.
The same eyes hiding so much anger.

Pushing and pushing, until you break.
Crying and crying, you wont tell a shit.
Screaming and screaming, its getting to me.
I think I should give up now.

Im tired of chasing you in circles.
Knowing Im leading no where.
Im tired of asking the same questions.
Knowing Im far to know your despair.
Im tired of hiding in corners,
Finding the mouse in this game.
Im tired of screaming in the echoes,
knowing I will hear only my voice again.

Everyday you would say the same.
"Its alright." "Im okay."
But Im seeing you bleed again.
No, its not alright. You're not okay.

Pulling and pulling, you just might snap.
Bleeding and bleeding, you dont even care.
Lying and lying, its getting to me.
I think I should give up now.

Im tired of chasing you in circles.
Knowing Im leading no where.
Im tired of asking the same questions.
Knowing Im far to know your despair.
Im tired of hiding in corners,
Finding the mouse in this game.
Im tired of screaming in the echoes,
knowing I will hear only my voice again.

You think the hero will save just in time?
You think your life is just on the line.
You think your drowning,
and you are pleading.
But no one hears you.
Because from the start,
you didnt voice out.

You think Love will find you just in time?
You think its alright to lose your life?
You think your dreaming.
And you are realising,
that this is no dream.
You are awake from the start.
But you always lied to your poor heart.

Im tired of chasing you in circles.
Knowing Im leading no where.
Im tired of asking the same questions.
Knowing Im far to know your despair.
Im tired of hiding in corners,
Finding the mouse in this game.
Im tired of screaming in the echoes,
knowing I will hear only my voice again.

Wont you let this hero save you?
Is this hero too weak?
Wont you let this hero in?
And save you from all your misery?

Wont you tell the hero what happened?
Why are you breaking?
Wont you let this hero understand,
the deep pain you're in?

Im tired of chasing you in circles.
Knowing Im leading no where.
Im tired of asking the same questions.
Knowing Im far to know your despair.
Im tired of hiding in corners,
Finding the mouse in this game.
Im tired of screaming in the echoes,
knowing I will hear only my voice again.

This is my final call,
my final call to you.
Will you let me in,
and let me save you.

This is my final call,
my finally call to you.
Will you let me in,
and let yourself be rescued?

Fate didnt seperate us. You did, my dear.

2010-12-18T11:00:00.001-08:00

We have been together for so long now.
We have been smiling through the winter.
Even the rainy days, we stand through it all.
Even the stars dont shine, you'll shine through the fall.

But suddenly, the moon stops singing.
Suddenly birds stop flapping.
All around me seems silent.
And you just turn your back on me.

You're walking in the opposite direction,
running after a blurring scene.
Chasing after a dark moonlight's shadow,
but theres a glass mirror in between.
Im falling behind.
Can't you see ?
Im left behind.

Screaming your name over and over,
this glass refuses to break.
Trying to break it over and over.
You're getting further away.

But suddenly my blood starts freezing.
Heres the eerie sensation again.
All around me turn to silent.
And you are no where to be seen.

You're walking in the opposite direction,
running after a blurring scene.
Chasing after a dark moonlight's shadow,
but theres a glass mirror in between.
Im falling behind.
Can't you see ?
Im left behind.

"Darling you're walking in the wrong direction"
"Please come back to me."

After the years of silence,
I began to bite myself.
I tried so hard to die by then.
Where were you when I cried for help?

The mirror starts to blur,
im tired of seeing my own reflection.
I want to see you with me.
The ground starts to water by my tears.
Im tired of only seeing you in my dreams.

Remembering the time that hurt the most,
You're walking in the opposite direction,
running after a blurring scene.
Chasing after a dark moonlight's shadow,
but theres a glass mirror in between.
Im falling behind.
Can't you see ?
Im left behind.

Coming back to me,
you werent alone.
Holding one else hands.
Coming back to me,
you werent alone.
Now you're someone else's.

I see you but you dont see me.
I curse this glass in my eyes.
My body wont move.
My mind turn numb.
You were walking away with someone else.

Curse this thing between us.
Guessed you moved on with your life.

Its alright, my reflection tells me,
Im still alive.
And all by myself.
Trust nobody.
Live without anyone.
And just stay here and live for myself.

God, bless this thing between us.
It made a test for me to see.
That you would never be there,
That you were never the one for me.

Human to Doll // Beautiful And Tasteless .

2010-12-17T09:02:00.000-08:00

I should know how pain feels like.
Why did I drag you through hell.
Im are such a burden, are you happy now?
Knowing that you live for me, not yourself.

Choking on words you always tried to say,
I never once listened to your pain.
Everything you done, went to vain.
Abandon the Love thats in the way.

Save your fake tears for the future.
I dont need anymore sweet bitter lies.
All on the bloody walls you scribble,
the rain washes away your pleads,
Now I laugh as I watch all hope dies.

My laughter will pierce through your lungs.
My blade will go through your torn heart.
My dirty hands all stained in black blood.
Now you lie there lifelessly with only the dark.

This insanity cannot be contained.
My darlings still want to hear you scream again.
Fufil their wishes, play the game.
And remember,dont stop screaming heaven's name.

He'll be with you, when you scream.
But he shall never ease your pain.
He'll be with you, when you plead.
But he shall never save you again.
He'll take you, when you die.
Your beautiful tasteless soul.
Guess whos that, its the devil inside.

Dont pray for miracles,
dont pray for Love.
Love cause no miracles.
Miracles dont do Love.

Listen to me, my dear.
Im much more wiser.
Who do you believe?
The voices inside your head,
or me?

Cut your skin open,
show me the truth.
Cut yourself open,
you never knew it'll hurt.

Stitch you back,
all the scars all over you.
Sew you back,
my little beautiful doll.

You have eyes to see,
who would betray you.
You have ears to hear,
the cries of your master.
You have a mouth to taste,
all the blood and tears you gain.

But dearest, God gave you no heart.
But dearest, God hated you from the start.
So dearest, you turn to the devil and plead.
Yes dearest, be a good girl and listen to me.

Right now, you become the Doll I'll always play with.

Trust Liars , Abandon Love .

2010-12-11T05:03:00.000-08:00

Humans do all kind of sins.
And one huge sin is lying.
Lying is such a close thing to me.
Lying is better friend than you'll ever be.

You lie,
that you're fine.
When everyone sees right through you.
You lie,
when you're such a poor liar.
You're not even worth to play with fire.
You dont deserve to lie.

I dont lie.
I never lied.
Im oh so great cinderella,
while your the mother doing sins.
I dont lie.
I never lied.
Im innocent red riding hood,
and your the bad wolf doing sins.
I dont lie.
I never lie.
I dont do stupid humans sins.
Well, all the best in life with lying.

You my friend, lied to me.
Its a sin I'll never forgive.
You my friend, Im no fool.
Its a stupid sin I'll never do.

You lie,
That you're alright.
When everyone sees right through you.
You lie,
You're a bad liar.
You're not even the worst desire.
You dont deserve to survive.

I dont lie.
I never lied.
Im oh so great cinderella,
while your the mother doing sins.
I dont lie.
I never lied.
Im innocent red riding hood,
and your the bad wolf doing sins.
I dont lie.
I never lie.
I dont do stupid humans sins.
Well, all the best in life with lying.

You change me,
into this.
You change me,
you didnt stop it.
You know i ,
was suffocating.
You saw me,
and did nothing..

You just lied.
you just lied.
You just lie right in my face.
You did lied.
My heart never lies.
Why must you do this to me?
You should die.
You shall die.
Right in my hands, you'll see.

Blame yourself,
for not stopping the change in me.

You just lied..
I'll never forgive.
You just lied.
You just lied..

I dont lie.
I never lied.
Im oh so great cinderella,
while your the mother doing sins.
I dont lie.
I never lied.
Im innocent red riding hood,
and your the bad wolf doing sins.
I dont lie.
I never lie.
I dont do stupid humans sins.
Well, all the best in life with lying.

Opps, my dear god.
Heaven wont forgive me.
I just lied.
I just lied.
How do i say it?
I love lying.
Scream it to the Heavens,
Then you'll believe.
I lied.
I just lied.
Opps, my dear god,
how much i love lying.
Lying is such a sin to me.

Lying is just the way i live.

Toys and Guns ,

2010-12-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

Do you think its safe to play with guns?
Triggering every bit of it to everyone.
Do you think playing with guns is fun?
Look at your hands , the blood of everyone.

Are you happy now ?

You're quite bad at lying.
I see right through you.
You're quite bad at acting.
Please dont think Im a fool.

You gain no joy from killing hearts.
You're just a poor lonely soul.
But the pain you hide in the dark,
is more cruel than you'l ever know.

You dont like to see people happy.
You'll tear them down and steal it.
Spilt them apart and seal it.
You dont know your heart is filled with
Jealousy.

Do you think its safe to play with guns?
Triggering every bit of it to everyone.
Do you think playing with guns is fun?
Look at your hands , the blood of everyone.

If the world gave more love to you.
I dont think that this will happen.
If the Gods paid more attention to you.
I dont think you will do this.

When you kill everyone,
when they all are dead.
You'll cry alone.
Still like a lonely soul.
And you could never be saved.
Does it make an difference?

Do you think its safe to play with guns?
Triggering every bit of it to everyone.
Do you think playing with guns is fun?
Look at your hands , the blood of everyone.

The hurt does not matter anymore.
You have grown up with it.
Numb to it.
Be one with it.
And let the hate overcome you.

You take one gun,
and put it to your head.
You pull the trigger.
And now your dead.

You take one bullet,
and shoot it through your head.
And lie in a pool of blood,
Happy that your dead.

Do you think it is safe to play with guns?

Hey, Am I Alright ?

2010-12-08T10:28:00.000-08:00

Im a small small girl.
In a big big world.
Where they all play cruel mind games.
In a small small corner ,
its down down here.
They have to play it all day.
Screaming for help and shame.
Its driving me insane.

But I need to get out of this dark place.
Dont want to see any blood today.
Somebody's gonna be dead.
I just know it, beyond my head.

Tired of chasing crazy clowns.
That will lead me no where.
Tired of chasing the tears found on the ground.
Thats drying up so soon.
And the sun wont come up,
the moon wont go down.
Guess tonight I'll be staying here for awhile.
This is all so crazy.
So crazy town.

I have a small small heart.
That has a big big hole.
Its bleeding from inside out.
Im fear all all the clowns.
They dont tell jokes.
They make us suffocate ourselves.
And we have to fight if we wanna survive.
And we have to plead if we wanna survive.

I dont want to survive.
I want to live.
I dont want to see their drawn faces.
I just want to breathe.

Tired of chasing crazy clowns.
That will lead me no where.
Tired of chasing the tears found on the ground.
Thats drying up so soon.
Guess tonight I'll be staying here for awhile.
And the sun wont come up,
the moon wont go down.
This is all so crazy.
So crazy town.

I see a small balloon,
going to explode in no time.
I see a puppet room.
Where all the puppets survive.
I hear cruel laughter.
Where dead bodies turn alive.
I see crazy clowns.
Commanding the children to die.
Do you think they'll ever listen to our cries?

This is no game.
This is my life. /
This is not real.
This is all in my mind!

Tired of running from crazy clowns.
Coming after me with draggers.
Tired of counting my blood on the ground.
Im going to fade to hell.
Guess this time Im stucked here for awhile.
And the hero wont show up.
And this world will go down.
This is all so crazy.
So crazy town.

Everything is so black and white.
Everything is so plastic.
Everyone tells me its in my mind.
But really i cant run from them tonight!

Tired of running from crazy clowns.
Coming after me with draggers.
Tired of counting my blood on the ground.
Im going to fade to hell.
Guess this time Im stucked here for awhile
And the hero wont show up.
And this world will go down.
This is all so crazy.
So crazy town.

So crazy,
so crazy.
everything in my mind,
is so crazy.
so crazy.
Will you please tell me its in my mind.
Im not crazy.
Not crazy.
Please tell me Im alright.

Fear of my blood ,

2010-12-03T08:18:00.001-08:00

Tell me I'll be fine.
But im not fine.
Tell me I'm alright.
But im not alright.

Theres something.
Lurking.
In the shadows.
Beyond my eyes.

Theres something
Hiding.
With the shadows.
Beyond my mind.

Someone is watching me.
Or is it something.
Someone is watching me.
Faster, run. Got to flee.
Shadows are after me.
My heart never lies.
Shadows are after me.
Faster, hide.
I dont want to die.
I dont want to die.

Feeling like a burden.
Feeling something pressure me.
Feeling like a dream.
Feeling like someones after me.

Voices.
Tell me i shouldnt be breathing.
Voices.
Tell me i dont deserve to live.

Voices.
All the sorrow of my dreams.
Voices.
Somewhere I hear beyond my ears.

Someone is watching me.
Or is it something.
Someone is watching me.
Faster, run. Got to flee.
Shadows are after me.
My heart never lies.
Shadows are after me.
Faster, hide.
I dont want to die.
I dont want to die.

Someone.
Someone.
Someone anyone.
Something.
Something.
Somethings after me.

In the dark,
I cant see.
Please take my hard.
Or they'll take me.

Somewhere in the shadows,
somethings out to get me.
Please dont screw with me.
My minds lying.
My minds lying to me.

Someone is watching me.
Or is it something.
Someone is watching me.
Faster, run. Got to flee.
Shadows are after me.
My heart never lies.
Shadows are after me.
Faster, hide.
I dont want to die.
I dont want to die.

Its not my time.
I'll be fine.
Someones still going to hurt me.
Its not my time.
I'll be alright.
Something tells me im going to be in deep misery.

I dont want to die.
I want to survive.
Let this feelings go away.
Let this feelings go to waste.

Scream. Can you hear me?
Wont you save me?
Tell me they are not true.
Scream. Can you listen to me?
Wont you rescue me?
Tell me they are not after me.
Scream.

Someone is watching me.
Or is it something.
Someone is watching me.
Faster, run. Got to flee.
Shadows are after me.
My heart never lies.
Shadows are after me.
Faster, hide.
I dont want to die.
I dont want to die.

Scream.
I dont want to see myself bleed.

Is it okay to be in love ?

2010-12-02T10:03:00.001-08:00

All the feelings in my chest,
my heavy heart cannot take it.
All the confusion in my head.
My dizzy mind cannot take it.

I dont do stupid confessions.
I dont do it at all.
I dont tell you whats happen.
Got to bottled it up all.

Is there a limit to love someone?
Is there any boundaries?
Is there such thing as a happy ending?
Because love kept no room for me.

All the sadness in my chest,
my heavy heart is going to drop.
All the suffocation in my neck,
my heavy heart is going to stop.

I dont do stupid expressions.
I dont do it at all.
I dont tell you what i feel.
Got to keep it all.

Is there a limit to love someone?
Is there any boundaries?
Is there such thing as a happy ending?
Because love kept no room for me.

My heart skips a beat when you talk to me.
I dont want to keep on thinking.
My heart beats as though strike by lightning.
I dont want to be in your memories.

I dont want to hurt.
I dont want to bleed.
I dont want to suffer again.

I dont want to cry.
I dont want to regret.
I dont want to fall in love, again.

Love is so suffocating.
I cant sleep.
Love is haunting me.
I cant think.
Love, love , love.
Is that all I can see?

Because love kept no room for me to breathe.

Is there a limit to love someone?
Is there any boundaries?
Is there such thing as a happy ending?
Because love kept no room for me.

Loves going up in my head.
Playing with all the things you said.
Loves going to attack my heart.
And make it beat for you in the dark.
Loves driving me insane.
Loves telling me its okay,
To be in love..

Nightmare that repeats .

2010-12-01T08:12:00.000-08:00

Run away from the past.
Run away from the present.
Run away from the future.
And just stop and scream.

Give me some room,
give me some space.
I need to breathe.
Give me some time.
Give me my needs.
Take every part of me.

I dream, everynight.
Theres a doll under my bed.
I tried to open my eyes,
But I turned stone instead.
You dont know how it is,
to feel like this.
You dont know how it is,
when your heart refuses to beat.
Its a nightmare that repeats.

Stop talking.
Stop screaming.
Stop what you're doing.
Stop everything.
And just scream.

Give me a moment,
give me a light,
I want to breathe.
Give me a second.
Give me a life.
You're pressuring me.

I dream, everynight.
Theres a doll under my bed.
I tried to open my eyes,
But I turned stone instead.
You dont know how it is,
to feel like this.
You dont know how it is,
when your heart refuses to beat.
Its a nightmare that repeats.

Slit me out of my skin.
Tear me out of my memory.
Slit me out of my skin.
And,
Stop talking.
Stop screaming.
Stop what you're doing.
Stop everything.
And just scream.
Just scream.

I dream, everynight.
Theres a doll under my bed.
I tried to open my eyes,
But I turned stone instead.
You dont know how it is,
to feel like this.
You dont know how it is,
when your heart refuses to beat.
Its a nightmare that repeats.

Drowning in the ocean.
Somewhere I cant see.
Drowning in moonlight, again.
Somewhere I cant breathe.

Wounds start to open again.
Demon takes my sins.
May god forgive me.
For never letting Him in.

This time it will end.

I dream, everynight.
Theres a doll under my bed.
I tried to open my eyes,
But I turned stone instead.
You dont know how it is,
to feel like this.
You dont know how it is,
when your heart refuses to beat.
Its a nightmare that repeats.

Im lost,
somebody save me.
Im in,
drowning in deep misery.
Im lost,
someone wont save me.
You're screaming,
in despair of my dreams.

A nightmare that repeats.
The doll that wont sleep.
The statue that moves.
A heart that refuse to beat.

Its a nightmare that plays on Repeat.

Save me from Insanity.

2010-11-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

Please dont push me,
I am going crazy.
You asked if im alright,
The shadows are out to get me.
Do you get it?
The state im living in.

I am biting my fingernails,
pulling my hair.
I am screaming my lungs out,
to me theres no air.

Its out to get me,again.

You're in my face,
you're in my mind.
You're everywhere.
You're in my heart.
You're in my eyes.
Im not that fine.
Please go away, little monster.
Please go away, little devil.
Or else Insanity is what I'll find.

Stop pressuring me,
Im already on the egde.
Why cant you guys see?
Im losing my head.
No, its not only in my head.
It is coming out again.

Im hiding in my bedroom.
Im locking all the doors.
Im screaming through the windows.
Im living the life I had no more.

You're in my face,
you're in my mind.
You're everywhere.
You're in my heart.
You're in my eyes.
Im not that fine.
Please go away, little monster.
Please go away, little devil.
Or else Insanity is what I'll find.

Are you real?
Are you with me?
These voices in the dark.
Are you real?
Why cant I see.
Its all in my head from the start.

Im losing my mind.
Im being paranoid.
Im seeing things i dont wish i could see.
Im losing my head.
Im being insecure.
Im hearing things i dont want to hear.

Run, i cant run away from my mind.
Hide, i cant hide away from myself.
Scream, if thats the only thing left inside of me.
Pain, the fear of seeing myself, watch me bleed.
Oh, my dear mind.
Please stop screwing with me..
Oh, my dear mind.
Please stop screwing with me!
I am suffering.
I am dying.
I am going crazy.
Save me from Insanity!

You're in my face,
you're in my mind.
You're everywhere.
You're in my heart.
You're in my eyes.
Im not that fine.
Please go away, little monster.
Please go away, little devil.
Insanity is what I'll find.

Monster,stop screaming my name.
I can hear you perfectly.
Had enough of playing Cat And Mouse games.
If you want me, just come and get me.

I had enough of seeing you in the corner.
Rip the skin right off me now.
I had enough of fearing in the corner.
Drink my blood, and set me free now.

Its now or never.
Stupid monster.

Dont know why ; risked myself alive .

2010-11-24T10:50:00.000-08:00

I still miss you.
Please dont leave me.
Why did you leave me?
With no warning.

I still love you,
with all the memories.
You're left with only memories.
Why the hell did you leave me?

Where did I go wrong?
I still see no reason why.
Why did I, risk my life?

Just one second,
just one moment,
My life changed.
Just one second,
Just one moment.
You were walking away.
Nothing lasts forever.
You said nothing lasts forever.

Was I no good,
compared to someone else?
Did you or did you not,
hurt in this thing,
other than myself.

I still miss you.
You seem to be moving on.
I still love you.
You act as if nothings wrong.

But, you should know by now.
Im not recovering well.

I have only one life.
Why did i risk it all.
I had only one chance,
Why did i ever fall.
You know i was missing you,
You left me behind again.
You knew I would run back to you.
You wouldnt even be my friend.

What did i do wrong.
Set me thinking.
Where did i go wrong.
Sets you leaving.

God, i dont deserve this.
Im trying so hard.
God, please. I dont want to take this.
But i fall so hard.

I never thought it would hurt this much.
I never thought I came so far to lose it all.
I never thought I'll see you with someone else.
I really thought i could survive all by myself.

Remember the pics we took,
Remember the sound, of laughter we share.
Remember your voice, telling me your pain.

Remember the fun we used to have.
Remember it was only me back then,there.
Now i cant remember why did i do such a thing.

Now i forgot all the pics i burnt.
Forgot that i hardly laugh anymore.
Forgot all those nights, i cried myself to sleep.
Forgot all the you.. and me..

And I just found the pain of the remembering the memories i wanted to forget.

Everything but me,

2010-11-18T08:15:00.001-08:00

I didnt give you away.
I lost you against my will.
I wouldnt give you away.
Not even in a million days.

But i knew, you didnt much care.
So i knew, i had to let you go there.

I would give you everything,
Everything you wanted.
Everything, everything you had.
Everything, everything you wished for.
So, wont you come back?
to me..

I didnt lose you,
you were walking away.
I never want to.
Lose you to someone better.
Than me..

But i knew, you didnt much hurt,
So i knew, i had to stop kissing the dirt.

I would give you everything,
Everything you wanted.
Everything, everything you had.
Everything, everything you wished for.
So, wont you come back?
to me..

Was i the only one hurting?
Because you made it through so easy.
Was i the only one crying?
Because you're stronger holding back your tears.
Than me..

I would give you everything,
Everything you wanted.
Everything, everything you had.
Everything, everything you wished for.
So, wont you come back?
to me..

You had everything.
What more could you ask for?
You wished for everything.
Your world was already complete.
You would have anything.
Anything you wished for.

So tonight,
you wont be coming back.
To me..

Hey there, liar.

2010-11-04T09:41:00.001-07:00

All you see is me.
Holding my hand out to you.
All i saw was you,
Reaching your hand out to me.

Does memories mean nothing to you?

You said, you were different.
You said you would treasure me.
You said, you were different.
And i believed.

Hey there, liar.
Look, your running away.
When you swore you never do it.
Hey there, liar.
Look, your walking away .
Lie to me again.

All i saw in you,
was someone like me.
All you saw in me,
Was someone like nothing.

Did i meant nothing to you?

You said, you were different.
You said you would treasure me.
You said, you were different.
And i believed.

Hey there, liar.
Look, your running away.
When you swore you never do it.
Hey there, liar.
Look, your walking away .
Lie to me again.

Why does fate replays again?
Look you tore my heart.
Right from the start,
you knew i would believed in you.
Just the look of me,
you knew i was a fool.

Everyone. run away.
Everyone. dont seem to stay.
Another one. Run away.
You make no difference.
You were never different.

Hey there, liar.
Look, your running away.
When you swore you never do it.
Hey there, liar.
Look, your walking away .
Lie to me again.

I believed in you ,
i was the fool.
I was the one to blame.
I believed in you,
i was the fool.
Now you put me to shame.

Hey there, liar.
Lie to me again.

Hey there, hey there.
I'll never believed you.
Hey there, hey there.
Did i learn a lesson or two?
Hey there, hey there.
You were a liar too.

Hey there, liar.
Lie to me again.

survive today, be wasted tommorrow .

2010-11-03T06:49:00.000-07:00

This is a path,
the path where i walk.
The path of my life.
This is a shattered path.

This road is broken.
Do i stop here?
This road is half done.
Do i stop here?

Someone, drag me on.
Someone, carry me on.
I dont care, i want to live.
Someone, drag me on.
I dont care, i want to survive.
Dont want to waste this life.

This is my home.
A home of strangers.
A home full of plastic people.
This is my only home.

This road is broken.
Do i stop here?
This road is half done.
Do i stop here?

Someone, drag me on.
Someone, carry me on.
I dont care, i want to live.
Someone, drag me on.
I dont care, i want to survive.
Dont want to waste this life.

I am standing there,
can you stop pretending.
I am standing there,
can you stop ignoring?

Because it really hurts.
I know you.
You are a stranger.
I am just invisble.

I dont want to walk anymore.
I dont want to run anymore.
But i want to live.
Live another day,see the sun.
And see the scars of your face.
But i am tired and broken today.

Someone, drag me on.
Someone, carry me on.
I dont care, i want to live.
Someone, drag me on.
I dont care, i want to survive.
Dont want to waste this life.

There has to be more than this in life.

Come back , monster .

2010-10-26T10:05:00.001-07:00

Dont run away,
dont leave me behind.
My dear friend,
it dont have to be this way..

Slowly, fading away.
Notice, all by myself.
Please dont leave me here.
Wondering what did i do wrong.

Tears, will not stop crying for you.
Eyes, will not stop searching for you.
Mind, will not stop thinking,
stop thinking of you.
My heart, will not stop breaking..
because of you.

Dont walk away,
dont leave me behind.
My dear friend,
it dont have to be this way.

Slowly, turning your back on me.
Racing, love is all that i need.
And you, you are the precious one.
Leaving me behind..
wonder What the hell did i do wrong!

Tears, will not stop crying for you.
Eyes, will not stop searching for you.
Mind, will not stop thinking,
stop thinking of you.
My heart, will not stop breaking..
because of you.

I am only human.
I am just a human.
Its natural for one,
bound to break..
I am human,
I am only human.
Its natural for one.
Natural for one.
Bound to fade away.

These things keep running in my mind.
These memories wont stop hurting.
Your name runs through my mind.
when my mind already know your missing.

Tears, will not stop crying for you.
Eyes, will not stop searching for you.
Mind, will not stop thinking,
stop thinking of you.
My heart, will not stop breaking..
because of you.

Why did you run away?
Am i not human?
Why did you turn your back, against me?

Why did you hide away?
Am i not human?
Why must you turn your back, against me.

No, im bounded to be alone.
These memories, will not stop hurting.
No, im bounded to be on my own.
These wound, will not stop bleeding.

Tears, will not stop crying for you.
Eyes, will not stop searching for you.
Mind, will not stop thinking,
stop thinking of you.
My heart, will not stop breaking..
because of you.

Am i suffering.
Suffering because i got close to you.
Despite the warnings,
i was stupid.

Do you see me breaking,
breaking because im without you.
The pain hurts more,
knowing your with someone else.
Not mine anymore.

So wont you come back to me?
So you can set this pain free.
Wont you come back to me?
And replay these memories.

Tears, will not stop crying for you.
Eyes, will not stop searching for you.
Mind, will not stop thinking,
stop thinking of you.
My heart, will not stop breaking..
because of you.

Because if you're not appearing,
i am going to hate you.

Hate you for turning me into this.

Stupidity in a friend ,

2010-10-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

My friends never last,
My friends never stay.
My friends always seemed to drift away.

Its so sad, when i have no one to call my own.
Its so sad, when i notice im all alone.

Man, i tried so hard.
So hard to bring you up.
While you let me down.

When she was there, I became invisable.
When she was gone, you came back.
Does my heart only knows second best.
Because i tried so hard to bring you up.
while you only bought me down.
yeah, you bought me down.

My friends never notices me.
My friends dont even care.
My friends dont even look at me.
While then, are they still my friends?
Cause they'll never see..

Man, i tried so hard.
So hard to bring you up.
While you let me down.

When she was there, I became invisable.
When she was gone, you came back.
Does my heart only knows second best.
Because i tried so hard to bring you up.
while you only bought me down.
yeah, you bought me down.

My dear friend, you dont see me unhappy.
My dear friend, why is your back always facing me?
My dear friend, am i that unlucky.
Until my bestfriend dont even see right through me..

I know when your sad, i know when your crying.
I know when your hurt, i know when your tearing.
But you dont seem to notice my efforts.
Yeah, you dont even seem to see me..

When she was there, I became invisable.
When she was gone, you came back.
Does my heart only knows second best.
Because i tried so hard to bring you up.
while you only bought me down.
yeah, you bought me down.

I dont know why i scream,
i dont know why i hurt,
just for a friend,
that never seem so alert.

Man, you made me sad.
Man, you made me hurt.
But you dont even see me.

MY HEART KNOWS SECOND BEST..
When she was there, I became invisable.
When she was gone, you came back.
Does my heart only knows second best.
Because i tried so hard to bring you up.
while you only bought me down.
yeah, you bought me down.

Why do i try so hard?
For just a friend,
when i know she will leave me.
Why do i try so hard?
To find a friend.
When i know she'll never find me.

Why did i try to bring you up,
when all you did was let me down..?

Pretending to be a Hero .

2010-10-11T06:06:00.001-07:00

Everyone drowns,
yes, everyone drowns.
Drowns in their own misery.

Everyone dies,
yes, everyone dies,
Dies in their own regrets.

But i want to be , want to be different.
And prove , this whole damn world wrong!

Im the girl, whos gonna save you all.
Im the girl, whos gonna risk it all.
Im the strongest girl tryna hold the world ,
yeah,im trying to hold the world.
Im pretending to be a hero girl.

Everyone bleeds,
yes, everyone bleeds.
Bleeds in all the same way.

Everyone screams,
Yeah, everyone screams.
Screams in their own mistakes.

But i want to be , want to be different.
And prove , this whole damn world wrong!

Im the girl, whos gonna save you all.
Im the girl, whos gonna risk it all.
Im the strongest girl tryna hold the world ,
yeah,im trying to hold the world.
Im pretending to be a hero girl.

Hero tries to save you all,
hero cants even take the fall.
Yeah, hero cants even save herself.
Yeah, hero this time will fall to the ground.

Im no cinderella,
no supergirl,
no wonderwoman,
tryna save the world.
Im an average girl.
Listening to sad souls.
Im no fairytale story,
no supergirl,
no wonderwoman,
Im an average girl,
tryna save the world!

Im the girl, whos gonna save you all.
Im the girl, whos gonna risk it all.
Im the strongest girl tryna hold the world ,
yeah,im trying to hold the world.
I have no super power.
Im no supergirl,
no wonderwoman,
im just a stupid girl,
Tryna save the world..

Im pretending to be a hero girl.
Im pretending that heros are real..
But reality hurts more,
than just a super girl..

Haaa, you almost fooled me there.

Whats wrong with me says boys .

2010-10-05T03:57:00.000-07:00

Let me talk about the boy im in love with,
let me talk about these foolish crushes,
im not in puppy love..
Am i in puppy love?

Boy, you make me go insane.
One word of you drives me to hell.
Boy, im feeling so happy bout you.
But you know you made me depressed too.
Boy.. are you that hard to get along?
Are you that hard to understand whats wrong.

Let me talk about this love,
let me talk about everything,
love was meant to for this world.
Im not in puppy love..
Am i in puppy love?

Boy, you make me go insane.
One word of you drives me to hell.
Boy, im feeling so happy bout you.
But you know you made me depressed too.
Boy.. are you that hard to get along?
Are you that hard to understand whats wrong.

Whats wrong..
Whats wrong with me?
Boy, tell me.
I need to know my baby.
My little baby whos leaving me.
Boy, tell me.
Confess it to me now.
Or my mind will keep playing tricks on me.

No, you'll never like me.
No, i refuse to play along.
No, you'll never love me.
Do you even notice me?

BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY,
Boy, you make me go insane.
One word of you drives me to hell.
Boy, im feeling so happy bout you.
But you know you made me depressed too.
Boy.. are you that hard to get along?
Are you that hard to understand whats wrong.

Girl, i made myself crazy.
One part of me goes to heaven.
Girl, i know im thinking bout you.
But i know i shouldnt too.
Girl.. why is it so hard to move along?
Am i that hard to understand whats wrong?

Whats wrong with me..
Why are you leaving me behind?
Whats wrong with me..
Why am i crying without you..?

Falling in love was my greatest fear ,

2010-09-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

Struggling, you dont understand me.
The pain im showing , yet you dont hear me.
Desperate, the light im finding,
the tears keep pouring.
Im so lost without you.

Falling in love was my greatest fear,
knowing it will be something painful.
Falling in love was my greatest fear,
no, i dont want to fall,
i dont want to fall.
Not at all..

Screaming, im too ashamed to be seen.
The depress feelings, im keeping.
but soon, my glass bottled hearts starts showing..
these tears kept pouring,
pouring without you..

Falling in love was my greatest fear,
knowing it will be something painful.
Falling in love was my greatest fear,
no, i dont want to fall,
i dont want to fall.
Not at all..

Dont make me laugh,
im trying harder.
Not to fall for you..
Dont make me cry,
im trying my best.
Not to cry for you..

Yet these tears kept flowing.
Why does these tears keep flowing?

Falling in love was my greatest fear,
i never once thought you would be the one,
falling in love was my greatest fear,
your the last one i ever thought of,
falling in love,
no, i dont want to fall.
i dont want to fall.
Not at all..

The masks i show to you,
you made me feel im not good enough.
Man, i should hate you.
Because i will never be good enough.

Im pressured,
your pressuring me.
Pressuring me,
My glass bottled heart break,
i scream.
Can anyone understand me?
My fragile and weak mind hurts,
i cry,
can anyone see my pain?

Falling in love was my greatest fear,
i never once thought you would be the one,
falling in love was my greatest fear,
your the last one i ever thought of,
falling in love,
no, i dont want to fall.
i dont want to fall.
Not at all..

Let me grow numb .

2010-09-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

Please, dont talk to me.
Im so sorry, too much pressure is pushing me.
Please, dont look at me.
Im so ashamed ; too much pressure is pushing me.

Help, i scream,
can you hear me?
Help, its an emergency.
Can you hear me?
No, im only screaming in my heart.

Take a deep breath now.
Starting afresh like a baby.
Crying like a baby.
No memories to hurt.

God, let me be numb.
I dont wanna feel.
God, let me fade.
I dont wanna bleed anymore.
Is this a trap?
Am i all alone,
cause when i see you and your friends,
i notice no one hands,
reaching out to me.
Yeah, reach out to me.

Please dont comfort me,
I will be okay.
Please dont touch me,
the pressure is still pushing me.

From all the pain, push me away.
Now i'll let you see it inside of me.
Talking the first bleeding step like a baby.

God, let me be numb.
I dont wanna feel.
God, let me fade.
I dont wanna bleed anymore.
Is this a trap?
Am i all alone,
cause when i see you and your friends,
i notice no one hands,
reaching out to me.
Yeah, reach out to me.

God, save me.
Im no place to be happy.
God, kill me.
Im not the girl i used to me.
Those all around me,
start to fade.
Soon i realise,
im a fake,
and lonely.
I dont careeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

God, let me be alive.
Let all my friends go,
I dont care, i dont care,
i just want to live.
Even if im alone.
God, let this be a training.
Training for the painful future,
so i can go numb to this world.

God, im sad.
Can you see me crying?
God, im angry.
Can you see me dying?
Is it that bad?
Because i feel ike changing.
To someone else who feels nothing.

It hurts, my mind hurts.
It hurts my heart hurts.
It bleeds, my mind bleeds.
It bleeds, my heart bleeds.

God, let me be numb,
even if it just for once.

Jealousy of my own .

2010-08-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

I admit im a easy jealous person,
i admit i cant seem to take these little bit things easy.
I admit, im not perfect,
i admit, i should never have lived.
But while im at it, i should just tell you this.

I admit that im jealous,
i admit, im dying with jealousy,
i admit i am jealous,
Now can you hear me scream?
Dont take his hand,
it kills me.
Just to see,
Im sharing the same person.
I admit that im jealous,
i admit, im dying with jealousy,
i admit i am jealous,
Now can you hear me scream?

I admit, i've been selfish,
i admit, i never told you the truth.
I admit, i like things to go my way.
This is all the little things i do.

I admit that im jealous,
i admit, im dying with jealousy,
i admit i am jealous,
Now can you hear me scream?
Dont take his hand,
it kills me.
Just to see,
Im sharing the same person.
I admit that im jealous,
i admit, im dying with jealousy,
i admit i am jealous,
Now can you hear me scream?

I dont like it when you talk about her,
I feel like im seen through - invisable.
I dont like when i feel all the things you do,
with me, you do with her.
I feel like i've been replaced,
never will i be the same.

Can you hear me scream,
i am screaming out.
Now i scream,
doing my confession.
Can you hear me scream,
you better hear me out,
cause im pouring my heart out.

I admit that im jealous,
i admit, im dying with jealousy,
i admit i am jealous,
Now can you hear me scream?
Dont take his hand,
it kills me.
Just to see,
Im sharing the same person.
I admit that im jealous,
i admit, im dying with jealousy,
i admit i am jealous,
Now can you hear me scream?

Now im dying with this jealousy.

Little plastic doll.

2010-08-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

I am a plastic doll,
i wish to be a plastic doll.
plastic, my feelings become fake.
plastic, my feelings fade away.

Plastic, nevermind if you hurt me.
Plastic, no blood from me,
so sorry darling.

My plastic tears,
dont prove a thing.
My plastic heart,
dont feel a thing.

I am plastic doll,
i wish to be a plastic doll.
Plastic, this scars stays.
Plastic, this face so perfect.

plastic, nevermind if you scar me,
plastic, my scars dont bleed.
So sorry darling.
There wont be screams from me.

My plastic arms,
they feel numb.
My plastic legs,
they cant move away.

You can doll me up,
you can throw me down.
You can break me up.
You can break me down.

Put me in that little black dress.
Brush my smooth blonde hair.
Is being a doll such a bless?

My plastic mind,
thinks slowly,
my plastic eyes,
trust you blindly.

Plastic, no you cant hurt me!
Plastic, no i cant feel me!
Plastic, no im so fake.

Perfect little plastic doll,
all alone sitting in the corner.
This fake tears crying.
This fake trust fearing.
Scars forever.

Perfect little plastic doll,
this fake face showing,
this fake smile smiling.
Stays forever.

This Real, thick red blood,
all over my plastic body.
This little music box,
plays the music of my screams.

And this little plastic doll,
see you and everything.

The sin between Kindness and Fear.

2010-07-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Im shaking with fear again,
biting my fingernails to no end,
This light, trying to find me.
This light, will not find me.

Cause i share this darkness on my own.
Its something that im left with.
I'll keep this darkness on my own.
ts something special to me.

Cause im shaking with fear.
Fear of you coming back.
Take part of my soul again,
and left my heart a crack.

Each time i tried to save you,
I burned myself too.
And when you're not suffocating,
you turnyour back on me.
And leave.
Again.

Cause i share this darkness on my own.
Its something that im left with.
I'll keep this darkness on my own.
ts something special to me.

Now as i watch you drown again,
i close my eyes hoping it will end.
I dont want to drag myself down again.
And pray that my heart has no mercy.
For you,
like a fool.
I helped you again,
crying like this now.
I blame myself.

Cause i share this darkness on my own.
Its something that im left with.
I'll keep this darkness on my own.
ts something special to me.

I cant save you anymore,
im tired but i cant ignore.
Im tired of being someone else.
Im tired of being ignored.
But no matter how many times i save you,
you will never love me.

God said to me,
"Darling close your eyes.
Count to 10 before you pray,
disappear all your friends.
Let your real self come through today."

Cause i share this darkness on my own.
Its something that im left with.
I'll keep this darkness on my own.
ts something special to me.

But im scared, i'll save you again,
as you scream, i lied here, burning.
As you plead, i stood here, crying.

Should i save you?
And burn myself too.

Close my eyes,
pretend i dont see anything.
Cover my ears,
pretend i dont hear your scream.

And wait til its over.
its over.
Its all over now.

This foolish lady

2010-07-04T07:46:00.000-07:00

People, people, makes me feel,
in everything that i do is wrong.
Mistakes, mistakes, i make them too,
but do you have to shove it in my face?

When someones has already fallen,
and you kick it in their face,
no, you kick me in my face.

Here i am, dancing alone,
here i stand, feeling alone.
And no hero comes by,
to save this foolish lady.
Here i go, dancing away,
all alone, fading away,
and no one seems to notice,
this foolish lady.

Crying, crying, have you not seen,
so many tears before?
Screaming, screaming, have you not seen,
bottled screams before?

When someone is already pleading,
and you laugh it off in their face,
no, you laughed it off in my face.

Here i am, dancing alone,
here i stand, feeling alone.
And no hero comes by,
to save this foolish lady.
Here i go, dancing away,
all alone, fading away,
and no one seems to notice,
this foolish lady.

Behind the mask, you'll see,
this foolish lady, dying.
With the mask, you'll see,
this foolish lady, smiling.

And then, you realise,
reality could be fake.
Now you realise,
its already too late.

Foolish lady, have you fallen?
Foolish lady, are you pleading?

And the lady falls.
and the lady screams,
Through it all,
the lady bleeds.

And the lady cries,
and the lady pleads,
through the lies,
the lady sings.

Here i am, dancing alone,
here i stand, feeling alone.
And no hero comes by,
to save this foolish lady.
Here i go, dancing away,
all alone, fading away,
and no one seems to notice,
this foolish lady.

This foolish lady,
trying not to cry.
But foolishly,
tears rolls down.

Dancing with tears rolling down,
are you happy now, foolish lady?
Look what happened now.

Unless a miracle happens,

2010-07-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

Somehow, love managed to catch me.
And caught me with you.
Somehow, heartbreak has caught up with me.
And break me into two.

Unless a miracle happens,
I'll still be loving you.
And each that i doubt that,
you someday love me too.

At first i was alone,
then i met you.
Love at first sight.
Then pain comes too.

So im sitting here,
wondering why,
what made me,
got into you.

Somehow, love managed to catch me.
And caught me with you.
Somehow, heartbreak has caught up with me.
And break me into two.

Unless a miracle happens,
I'll still be loving you.
And each that i doubt that,
you someday love me too.

Unless a miracle happens,
or a fallen star's wish,
Unless God answer my plead,
i will still be here, crying.

Somehow, love managed to catch me.
And caught me with you.
Somehow, heartbreak has caught up with me.
And break me into two.

Unless a miracle happens,
I'll still be loving you.
And each that i doubt that,
you someday love me too.

Somehow, somehow,
no matter how far i run,
desperate, desperate.
Love runs.

But i was secretly screaming,
out for you to hear me.
Now that you're with someone else,
i beg you to let go of me.

Somehow, love managed to catch me.
And caught me with you.
Somehow, heartbreak has caught up with me.
And break me into two.

Unless a miracle happens,
I'll still be loving you.
And each that i doubt that,
you someday love me too.

Unless a miracle happens,
i'll still be in love with you.

Creepy elegance.

2010-06-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

Come, my dear.
Dance with your fears.
Dont let them stop you.
Or you'll disappear.

Come, follow the signs,
leading you to disgiuse.
Come, now throw all the lies-
Away.
Wash your blood all away.

Let guity take over you.
Monster takes your innocence.
Right in your bloody dress,
you sing..
wiping your tears all away.

Come, my dear.
Small wooden house.
Come, my dear.
With a broken smile.

Let your pain,
grow within you.
Let your tears,
make you the biggest fool.

Dance following the beat,
Follow the beat of the screams.
Dance to the amount,
amout of dead bodies you see.

Let despair devour you,
Demons take your sins.
Right in your pool of blood,
you lied there and scream.

Come, my dear,
swing yourself to sleep.
Come, my dear,
come sleep forever.

You were rich,
you had it all.
You were wasted.
So now you fall.

Watching all of you burn,
burn in your own creepy elegance.

Lost in my own dreams

2010-06-11T06:26:00.001-07:00

Wandering around,
have i fallen to the ground?
Is no one going to pick me up?

Sitting in this house alone,
waiting for someone to come home,
yet no one comes by my door.

In this forest,
so damp forest,
in this jungle,
so dark jungle,
i heard voices,
creepy voices.
Saying i shouldnt have lived.
Saying i shouldnt have breathed.

Now im walking on my own again,
passing this river of misery today,
stepping into the valleys of sorrows
Crossing the bridge of pain.

I was waiting for someone,
someone to come and rescue me.
I was waiting for the one.
waiting my life to be.

In this forest,
so damp forest,
in this jungle,
so dark jungle,
i heard voices,
creepy voices.
Saying i shouldnt have lived.
Saying i shouldnt have breathed.

But its too late now,
im already alive.
Im breathing.
Being birth out on my own.
And into this cold world.
Im living.

But the voices say they can get rid of me.
The creepy voices they ran into my head.
The creepy voices the saying it again and again.

In this forest,
so damp forest,
in this jungle,
so dark jungle,
i heard voices,
creepy voices.
Saying i shouldnt have lived.
Saying i shouldnt have breathed.

And now im out on my own.
Waiting for someone,
someones who wants a home.
Into this sad heart i call my own.
Begging for someone,
someone to come home.
Crying for love,
that love i always needed.
And im screaming out now.

In this forest,
so damp forest,
so scary forest,
Im lost again.
in this jungle,
so dark jungle,
so lonely jungle.
playing in my head.
i heard voices,
creepy voices,
devil voices,
Saying i shouldnt have lived.
Saying i shouldnt have breathed.
Saying i shouldnt have took my first step to this world.

I see devils,
i saw devils,
they come to watch me fall again.
I cry these tears,
i cried those tears,
waiting for the hero to show again.
The blood i bleed,
i bleed the blood,
out of my head.
So these open wounds will never show again.

In this forest,
so damp forest,
in this jungle,
so dark jungle,
i heard voices,
creepy voices.
Saying i shouldnt have lived.
Saying i shouldnt have breathed.

Then i woke up,
woke up to see you beside me.
I hugged you,
you cried for me.
And you said i was lost,
lost in my own dreams again.

Death with a smile. // Song

2010-06-09T06:36:00.001-07:00

Back in a few days, when you were alive.
You swore to me,you'll be alright.(Alright)
And i believed you after i saw you cry.
But how could i not know that you lied?(lied)

Each day you face a different health care,
but you dont mind. Happy as usual.
Each day your face dissolved into the air.
but you thought you would never die.

Now look where you are now?

Look at all the faces crying.
Do you see, where you come now?
Look at all these people's misery.
Will you come back to home to me,now?

A week ago, you were just fine.(fine)
Living like usual.
A week past, and you just died.(died)
Smiling like usual.

But you never knew,
that illness inside of you.
Or you chose to keep it from us.
And you smiled your last.

Look where you are now?

Look at all the faces crying.
Do you see, where you come now?
Look at all these people's misery.
Will you come back to home to me,now?

Dont just lie there,
talk to me.
Dont just sleep there,
wake up. Tell me this is a dream.
They close your coffin,
(burnt you away,)
they saw them crying.
And told us it was too late.

No, it was too late.

Look at what you done?
Look how you cause tears?
Look at what you done?
Look at all the faces crying?

Dont you miss home? (Dont you miss home?)
Dont you miss love? (Dont you miss love?)
Dont you miss me? (Dont you miss me?)
Wont you come back home?

Look at all the faces crying.
Do you see, where you come now? (where you are now.)
Look at all these people's misery.
Will you come back to home to me,now?

you last word to me.
told me to smile. (Smile)
You said when your gone,
please (Please,Please) continue to smile.

But i said, No,(no).
my smiles broken.
Broken without you.
I screamed, no, (no)
You cant leave me here.
Then you didnt breathe.(Again.)

Then i yelled..

Hey,hey, cant you see the tears on my face? (face.)
or are you pretending you're not here?
And hey,hey, i know you'll still love me.
So why wont you come home?
Hey,Hey,hey,hey Wake up and come home?

Look at all the faces crying.
Do you see, where you come now?
Look at all these people's misery.
Will you come back to home to me,now?

You died with a smile.
And you forced a smile out of me too.
Yeah, you died with a smile..
And you died with a part of me too.

Who i am hates who i've been.

2010-06-07T02:07:00.001-07:00

Im on the road to nowhere,
finding the place i call my home.
Leading out to despair,
cant you see now you're on your own.

Cant you find yourself deep within me?
Cant you see through the hour glass thick.
Now you're changing, to someone i dont know.
Making me go so crazy.

Are you judging me?
From what i used to be.
Dont you know that people change?
So why wont you set me free?

Must you be judging me?
Who are you in that place?
Does it give you that right to be,
All that shit to be judging me.

Im on the path to nowhere,
finding the ones i call my loved.
Lending out a hand to despair,
hurting all the ones you love.

Cant you find yourself deep within me?
Cant you see those salty tears flowing?
Now you change too, so dont you judge me.
Taking all that bullshit, making me go crazy.

Are you judging me?
From what i used to be.
Dont you know that people change?
So why wont you set me free?

Must you be judging me?
Who are you in that place?
Does it give you that right to be,
All that shit to be judging me.

Let you free,
from your misery.
Gave you a hand,
turns out you to be,
judging me.

From your trust,
taken for granted.
Now i hate,
all those things you said.

Are you judging me?
From what i used to be.
Dont you know that people change?
So why wont you set me free?

Must you be judging me?
Who are you in that place?
Does it give you that right to be,
All that shit to be judging me.

Despite all those lies,
i trust you the last time.
But why are you judging me?
dont you think i worth your pity?

Through out all those freaking shit,
i never once thought you couldnt make it.
I believe in you making me the fool.
So now why wont you set me free?

Are you judging me?
From what i used to be.
Dont you know that people change?
So why wont you set me free?

Must you be judging me?
Who are you in that place?
Does it give you that right to be,
All that shit to be judging me.

I know who i Was,
treated you badly.
So now i came home,
with a deep apology.

I know who i am now,
i know my mistakes,
i woken up this time round.
Who are you putting me to shame?

Are you judging me?
From what i used to be.
Dont you know that people change?
So why wont you set me free?

Must you be judging me?
Who are you in that place?
Does it give you that right to be,
All that shit to be judging me.

Who i am hates who i've been.

Helpless when you cried .

2010-06-03T05:21:00.000-07:00

Today's cruel night and your frozen tears,
While i sat on your bed, you cried, out loud.
I tried to speak but i feel so far away, my dear.
I dont know what to say,
what to do.
All i could ever think of.

I dont know how to act,
how to move.
And i just stood there.

Can i watch all my efforts go to waste?
Will i be your hero today?
Now i watch you falling so hard,
and i could do nothing but watch.

Sometimes when one cries,
they need some alone time.
But how can i ever know,
when should i go?

When one needs a shoulder,
i will be there.
But i can only sit there and stare.

Can i wash away all my sins?
Can i be your broken smile?
Watching you as you're falling down,
and i just stood there in a silent voice.

Your heart is fragile,
your mind is in a mess.
I cant put you to ease,
but at least i tried.

I tried to comfort but my actions were small.
Is like i just done nothing at all.
Your screams could be heard,
but heard by different people.

Your heart could be torn,
but torn by the very same person.
And i still stood there in silence.

Am i waiting for the kill?

And i just watch in silence?

Can i be your hero?

I dont want you to fall,
i dont want to breathe.
Its so hard to be,
around you.

I dont want you to die,
please dont die on me.
As i await for your smile again.

Smile,
smile once more,
The smile you are jealous of.
Take your time.
You will heal as time pass by.

Let go,
these memories are not worth having.
Should i,
move or should i remain standing.

I want to be heard,
i want to be your hero.
I want to see you smile,
not die and never be remembered.

Helpless when you cried,
your heart has turned to stone.
Will i,
be the one to break the statue down?

Forgiven but never Forgotten . (Story)

2010-05-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

I want to go somewhere now,
somewhere beyond the clouds,
i forgave you, so i ran towards you,
to find no one right beside me.

I miss your face in the heavens.
I scream out your name,
even though you know i forgave,
you are no where near this place.

So i ran around The heavens,
to find that i see no one.
Even though i forgave you,
you didnt come back to me.

Now you saw me crying,
cant you come back to me out of pity?
Imagine you running,
running back to me.

Suddenly in the desperate moment,
I see you, this angel in my Heaven.
I see my dear angel in dark, dying.
I ran towards you,clear your tears.
But that wont stop your broken heart from bleeding.

I found you on the painful path i walked before,
i know your alone and hurting as much as i did,
I tried to help you stand while you fall.
But in the end, you just pushed me away and pour.

I stop you from dragging yourself along this road,
and told you everything i forgive you.
I held you but you told me your soul was already sold.
That shattered my world, i was lost for words.

Please be that little angel i used to know,
please let me be the one to save your soul.
I ran to the devil but to find your soul eaten.
I cried and prayed to the holy heavens.

Slowly you dissapear,
much more painful with tears.
Rather than slowly vanishing,
you stayed a little, while fading,
and said your last and final farewell.

Could i forgive you now for leaving me?
Could i forget what you ever did?
Now you're forgiven but never forgotten.

Like a fool,

2010-05-21T00:45:00.000-07:00

What am i doing here?
Waiting, am i waiting for you?
What am i doing here?
When i already know you'll never come back.

I hung on to you,
like a fool.
Begging you not to leave me.
Part by part, you flew.
And told me to let you be.

Day and day,
i broken down again.
Knowing all your lies.
Time and time again,
I've tried to hide,
but that wont stop the fall.

Save me, im screaming for you.
And you cant hear me.
Im such a fool.
What did i do to gain such misery,
im dying without you.

Help me, im yelling for you,
and you pretend not to hear me.
I was such a fool,
waiting in the darkness,
even the dark betrayed me too.

Why did i do myself a sin,
waiting for you to come back?
Knowing that no hero saves me.
Why am i waiting for you to come back?

I know you were once my everything,
even the air i breathe in,
now you're just trash to me,
but in the end i still gave in.

Why am i waiting, like a fool?
Havent i wasted half of my life,
already waiting for you?

Save me, im screaming for you.
And you cant hear me.
Im such a fool.
What did i do to gain such misery,
im dying without you.

Help me, im yelling for you,
and you pretend not to hear me.
I was such a fool,
waiting in the darkness,
even the dark betrayed me too.

The tears you cant replace,
put me in such desperate place.
Despair screams out my name.
Im dying to play it all over again.

And i lost myself,
but each time i do,
i ran back to you.
And i found myself,
because of you.

Now i lost it again,
and i cant find you,
is this the end?

Missing you, look what you made me become,
i've gone insane searching my whole life for you.
What did i do wrong? Am i really that bad?
Cant i even mend my own heart again?
Now i cant even keep you as my own friend.

Love me,again.
Hate me, again.
Whack me,again.
Im tired of living.
Your words, always harsh.
Yet i never complained.
Your anger, always there.
To beat my life out of me.

Now, you left.
Didnt i endure it for nothing?
Tried so hard, i couldnt be what you wanted.
Hurts so much, now im left here, fading.

Save me, im screaming for you.
And you cant hear me.
Im such a fool.
What did i do to gain such misery,
im dying without you.

Help me, im yelling for you,
and you pretend not to hear me.
I was such a fool,
waiting in the darkness,
even the dark betrayed me too.

Even if i wait for you,
arcoss this river of eternity,
i doubt you will ever know,
how long i waited and yearn for you.

No matter how many thousand times,
my tears flow and my heart denys it.
My mind begs for your appearance.
And you will never be there for me.
Your slow dissapearance,
making me much more in pain.
As i lie down here,
thinking back all of your memories.

If you saw me in this state,
you wouldnt help me too,
laugh it off all at my face.
Because Im like a fool.

Blinded to see who needs love.

2010-05-17T01:10:00.000-07:00

Today's tears turned into tomorrow's curses,
cant find the one who needs the love.
Yesterday's pain turned into today's outburst.
I was blind to see i was the one in tears.

No one watched me in a distance.
Yet i will watch over who needs love.
But yet good deeds brings misfortunes.
Am i still taken for granted?

Can you open your eyes?
Cant you see that man in tears?
Wont you open up your heart?
And give him all the love.

Watch him in a distance.
Open up within.
Make sure his safe froms tears.
Before finding you're the one crying.

I cant take this unfairness.

Today's laughter turns into tomorrow's despair.
Cant find the one who wants the love.
Yesterday's misery turns into today's lies.
I was blind to see i was the one in tears.

You always have the attention,
something i would always want,
You always have the love given,
something i could only give.
And yet it is taken for granted?

Dont give my love away,
dont give everything i had,
Now that your gone again,
I have nothing left.

I cant take this crazyness.

Each time you're crying,
come to me,
each time you're laughing,
you're gone away.

Am i just a tool?
A tool that gives you comfort.
Do i still need you?
Yes of course thats the answer.

Open your eyes,
dont pretend you cant see me.
Open your heart,
Dont pretend you cant help me.

Dont lie you cant see,
i am pouring..
Crying with unfolded love.
And dying with broken promises.

I cant take this loneliness.

You know that i need you,
you ran far away,
when you lost in yourself,
you come back this way,
and i was a fool to play it again.

Now you're happy,
that im drowning.
Now you're smiling,
when im fading.

Kindness is such a weakness,
and my love is to blame.
Caring is such a useless,
Is a worthless thing to say.

I'll find someone who needs my love.
Someone who will protect me in every way.
I'll find someone who loves me everyday.
But for now, i'll just crumble away.

I cant take this whole wide cold world.

I hate you.

2010-05-09T07:31:00.000-07:00

See your blood spatter,
Dont need you to blame.
See your blood pour,
No need you to put me in shame.
See if i care anymore.

Loving you is something i would do.
But you loving me is all the same.
You think im just another girl,
who loves screaming your name.

You took my place inside,
Trying to hide.
Want to kill you tonight.
Without all those lies.
You left me there to die.

This love has died,
I wont be by your side tonight.
This feelings died.
I dont want to try,
You're never mine.

So what if im different,
so what if i suck,
you aint nothing better,
you're only all messed up.
Living in your own lie.

Im not some other bitches,
to put you into shame.
Im not your normal girl,
loving you is not mine to blame.

I hate you, i hate you.
Never want to think of you,
I hate you, i love you,
still i never want to think of you.
I hates, i hated, i hate everything about you.

I dont need you,
i dont have you,
putting me into darkness.
Im not blind, i do cry.
Yet sometimes this isnt loveless.

I dont want you,
i dont have to.
Im stronger on my own.
Love me for who i am.
Dont want to ever pretend.

My heart beats for you,
yet i am dying through.
This pain you created,
Memories you have burnt.
Dont need your suffocation,
I can live and learn.

Go away, get lost.
I dont need you to tell me who i am.
Go further, pass away.

I dont need you screaming my name.
I dont need you putting in shame.
I dont need you for me to blame.

I hate you, listen up carefully,
i dont need you,
Stronger on my own,
this is the end of me.

I scream, i pour,
i love, i hate,
I stand while i fall,
This is my fate.

I dont love you,
never loved you,
wont love you,
Go away.

Tell me am i just a girl,
screaming out your name?
Because i dont want to care,
never want to care,
let this love die.
See if i care.

I dont like you,
i hate you,
I dont love you,
i despise you,
To the point of insanity.

I can tell you,
I dont fuck with you,
I can show you,
i never loved you.

Even though you never knew,
how much i loved you,
even though you didnt break my heart,
I still hate you.

Because i want to tell you,
i hate you to death.
I never want to see your face.
You pulled me in again,
i'll show you what i am gonna do bout' it.

Get lost, get away from me.
I never want to hurt you,
Yet i want to devour you.

I want to see you burn,
burn like how you burnt my heart.
I want to see you cry,
Cry with my tears at the start.

Come see, whos the one fucked up.
I dont like you,
I hate you,
I hate you.

I so damn hate you.

Your worthless lies,
put me in despise,
My love has died,
Im by myself tonight.
Is what i hide.
With every fucking lie.

I dont care if you cry,
i dont care if you die,
Just leave me alone,
Dont put in pressure.

I hate you,
I hate myself,
for once loving you,
I dont like myself.

Because of you,
drove me insane.
Now im back for more,
To see if you're dying in my pain.
To see i did not die in vain.

I hate you.

Imaginary Friend

2010-05-04T07:25:00.001-07:00

I was about to break down.
Being hurt now.
By all of those so called my friends.
Without you, i almost couldnt make it.
Little did i know, i faked it.
But you make my life so right.
Not feeling lonely every night.

Falling faster, it hurts, everywhere hurts.
Memories,in black and white, the pressure.
Why cant there be someone like you to lean on?
Why are things like this.It just couldnt happen?

Sometimes the good things dont belong to me.
Always the bad ones it had to be.
Even though how hard i try,
You cant afford to be mine,
So you left me behind,
Wondering what i did wrong.

Tear by tear i cry,
With all the grey skies.
Soon enough i realised,
You were never real, i lied.
You would hold my hand,
try your best to understand.
But you were never there till the end.

I hide the lies behind my truth,
i hide you behind my mind.
I wanted you to be real so bad,
Cause my real friends dont even try.
give me a hurting, thats all i ever had.

When ever i cry, you would be right next to me.
When i dream, you would be in my dreams.
Now i wake up and realised, you were not real.
It was all along only me. Just me and my fears.

Feeling so alone,
World is so cold.
Cuddle up in myself,
trying my best to sleep.
Wish that you were here,
and hug me as tight as you can.
Hold me closely and hear my screams.

Letting me vent all my unhappiness.
Hold me close and never want to let go.
With you, i never felt so alone.
But little did i know,
little did i know.
You were never there.
Beside me.

If only you could be like someone,
if only you were real, i dont need anyone.
If only i know if i had a real stable friend.
I couldnt ever let you go.
I woundnt even let you go.
You never took me for granted.
Always here for me now and then.

Now they left me crying,
wondering what i did wrong,
am i really that bad? im trying.
Trying so bad to fix my wrongs.
But no one gave me a chance,
A chance to be myself without any pretend.
So i need you, just you to be my friend.

Little did i know, i faked it,
you were never here, i knew it.
My mind in such a blur, I hate it.

Without you, my life aint worth it.

You and your someone else. (Song)

2010-05-02T07:01:00.001-07:00

Standing here, against the rain,
Alone time and time again.
I missed how you missed me,
I loved how you loved me.

But now it all seems to me,
you're always there,
faking it.

You never missed me,
you never loved me,
Why cant you be here for me,
like how you been there for her?

You never heard me,
you never cared for me,
now just get lost,
with you, with you, with you,
and your someone else.

Am i crying, against the pain?
Am i screaming, screaming your name?

My shadow,
my love,
my trust.
Dont belong to you.
Cause your lies are so not worth it!

You never missed me,
you never loved me,
Why cant you be here for me,
like how you been there for her?

You never heard me,
you never cared for me,
now just get lost,
with you, with you, with you,
and your someone else.

You held her hands, like you held me,
you held her tight, im about to cry,
tell me, am i about to really,
really, really,about to cry?

(Baby, tell me are you worth it?)
Now i drown in this pain,
without you.(Without you.)

You never missed me,
you never loved me,
Why cant you be here for me,
like how you been there for her?

You never heard me,
you never cared for me,
now just get lost,
with you, with you, with you,
and your someone else.

I cant save myself,
so how can i save you?
Your memories pull me down,
with the part of me you been through.

I let you in my heart,
I gave you all my soul.
Should have known from the start,
This is so like you.
Leaving me in the dark.

(Again .. ~)

You never missed me,
you never loved me,
Why cant you be here for me,
like how you been there for her?

You never heard me,
you never cared for me,
now just get lost,
with you, with you, with you,
and your someone else.

Why did you have to run away with her?
What do i dont have,that shes all around your world.
Is that really,really,really, your perfect girl?
Am i all that you hate, is she really better than me?
(No,No,No,No~)

You never missed me,
you never loved me,
Why cant you be here for me,
like how you been there for her?

You never heard me,
you never cared for me,
now just get lost,
with you, with you, with you,
and your someone else.

I never missed you,
I never loved you,
But why are you here again,
just like the old days.

~(And i keep falling for this trick again.)

I never hated you,
I never laughed for you,
Now i'll get lost,
with me, with me, with me, (with me.)
And myself..

(Get lost. step out of my life,
with you, with you, with you,
and your someone else.)

Words can hurt as much as actions.

2010-04-26T05:57:00.001-07:00

Im wandering around,
have i fallen to the ground?
Is no one going to pick me up?

Sitting in this house alone,
waiting for someone to come home,
yet no one comes by my door.

This words, all stuck in my head,
the words you used to describe me.
Am i that bad? Am i really all the things you said?

Cause that me i know isnt the me for show.
So im hiding in my shell all alone.
Waiting for someone to come by,
and pick up this lost soul.

Yes, it hurts. So you see, im crying.
Yes, it does really hurt, that bad.
Now,you see, im blaming,
myself for all the things.
All the things i couldnt be.

So i have fell,
into this river of misery,
screaming out in despair,
is no hero going to save me?
In the valley of sorrows.

It aches my heart deep,
so deep - they told me i shouldnt be breathing.
Always saying im always so free,
dont know how to do anything.
and the words was as harsh like you slapped me.
Hard.

So, it hurts. now you know it hurts,
will you still use this words on me?
I say is like you have whacked me,
cause the words you use had the same effect on me.

Its painful, i know.
Im bleeding inside,
though you didnt kill me,
i still alright on the outside.
But im seriously crumbling down on the inside.
Im seriously breaking down now.

Is like i have fallen face-flat on the floor,
im shattered - i cant take this anymore.
Stop using words to harm me,
I cant bear this.
Stop using sentence, it kills me,
I cant take this.

You know, im losing grip,
losing grip of all my self-esteem.
Words you used with, slowly rip me apart,

Its so hard to build up confidence,
yet one second of broken determination,
can just break us apart.
It just tore me apart.

Im so fragile,
im just like my weak glass heart,
So im breaking down.
I given up hope now.

Please, dont use these words on me now.

God,tell me why.

2010-04-19T00:11:00.000-07:00

Tell me why, am i so uhappy,
Tell me why i cry,
When life is so good to me,
Tell me why aint i satisfied?

Tell me why am i so unhappy,
when i have a family to love,
Tell me why im so angry,
when i have friends who can share tears with.
Tell me why aint i satisfied?
Satisfied anymore.

What else do i want from life?
Tell me why do you scream at me?
Tell me why do i love you?
Tell me why i love my family,
But when something close to you,
suddenly dies.

Even though im writing this letter to you,
i know you cant read it,
But you have to tell me why,
you left without saying goodbye to me.
And i cry so badly,
cause i missed the moments when you took care of me.

So tell me why am i so unhappy?
I took our precious time for granted.
Tell me why am i so angry,
Because this isnt something i ever wanted.

You lied there,lifelessly.
My dearest one, i cry.
Now why am i so unhappy,
when the moments slowly died.

Goodbye,
no, goodbye.
I never have to wanted to say,
goodbye.
Farewell, so long.
My blessings to you in Heaven.

Is it a choice?
Must you leave me like this?
Out in the open,
can i never hear your voice?
In the dark.

Tell me why am i so unhappy?
Just to lose you,just you.

Dear Little one.

2010-04-13T04:27:00.001-07:00

Dear little one,
You smile like an angel.
Dear little one,
your laughter burns my ears.

If i only could,
see you laugh forever,
if i only could,
make it last longer.

Now you're still young,
dont know how pain feels.
But when you grow up,
and when you need someone to depend on.
I'll be there for you.

Oh, you dont know.
How this world can be so cold.
Oh, you dont know.
How people can be so cruel.
When you're old,
you'll trust me on this.
That when you grow up someday,
you'll end up crying.
Oh no, crying.

Dear little one,
dont cry, im here.
Dear little one,
dont fall, im here.

What truth hides behind lies,
the sun hides behind the grey skies.
The moon in my hands,suddenly disappear.
The tears in your eyes suddenly appear.

Now you fall,
i will catch you,
still learning to crawl,
i will guide you,
but when you know how to walk,
will i be there for you?

First day in school,
shaking in fear,
i held your hands,
and said 'im here'
Is this how it is?
Is this what it will be?
When the future comes.

Oh, you dont know.
How this world can be so cold.
Oh, you dont know.
How people can be so cruel.
When you're old,
you'll trust me on this.
That when you grow up someday,
you'll end up crying.
Oh no, crying.

Now you want to sleep,
you cry,
now you want to eat,
you cry,
now you want to shit,
you cry.

But when years passes by,
you have to do everything on your own.
Life will be only you standing.
You will feel so alone.
Like no ones there watching,
watching over you.

Thats when i'll be there,
tell me, will i be there?
For you.

Oh, you dont know.
How this world can be so cold.
Oh, you dont know.
How people can be so cruel.
When you're old,
you'll trust me on this.
That when you grow up someday,
you'll end up crying.
Oh no, crying.

Now you sleep.
Sleep while you have those dreams.
Next time you wake up,
you'll see me.
Dont you worry.
But life is harder than it seems.
But i will be there,
Will i be there?

I'll hold your hands,
i'll protect you,
i'll guide you through,
but i cant be with you,
not forever,
you have to learn how to stand on your own,
it will hurt,yes, it will hurt.
I'll see what i can do.

But,
Dear little one,
May god be with you.

Sorrow from breaking me.

2010-04-04T05:07:00.000-07:00

At first the world was in such a beautiful sight,
Then came the thunder and lightning as it stikes.

I covered my head and began to run,
for shelter, for cover.
I slowly sit down and cry,
can you tell me why?

Run,
I cant bring myself to run,
Hide,
i cant bring myself to hide,
from you.
My life wont end there,
but i cant stop myself to cry.
Why, Why,
even though you break my heart.

The lightning flashes right before my eyes.
My tears flow out again,
I dont know why.
If only could the rain,
wash away my tears.
And take away the pain.
I would have left nothing to fear.

Run,
I cant bring myself to run,
Hide,
i cant bring myself to hide,
from you.
My life wont end there,
but i cant stop myself to cry.
Why, Why,
even though you break my heart.

As i scream,
the time wont play.
as i scream,
the silence fade away.
But i try so hard,
just to erase,
erase you, erase me,
erase everything.

Run,
I cant bring myself to run,
Hide,
i cant bring myself to hide,
from you.
My life wont end there,
but i cant stop myself to cry.
Why, Why,
even though you break my heart.

Why did you have the break my heart,
why did i ever trust you from the start,
now i learnt my lesson through every tear.

People pass by me,
wondering why im crying,
people stare at me,
and look through my disguise.

The moment i feel unhappy,
the moment i almost died,
only my tears understand me,
as i began to cry.
Because no one was there,
everytime i shed tears,
because only my shadow cared,
so my tears begin to dry.

My tears ; the only thing there for me when i cry.

DONT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.

2010-03-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

Im about to burst,
Im about to cry,
yet i dont understand why.

Im about to scream,
Im about to die,
yet i dont know why.

Was i too nice?
Always been stepping on.
Was i too good?
Now that you're gone.
Will you still,
take me for granted?
Cause i will never be the same.

Hiding under ground,
all my life.
Always raising the white flag,
I let you hide,
all my life.
And you still take me for granted.
But you still hide yourself,
so now im moving on,
by myself.

Im about to hate,
all the things around me,
Im about to love,
all the things i cant be.

Now im alone.
Crying again,
No hero knows,
who wants to be my true friend?
THAT WONT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED?

Hiding under ground,
all my life.
Always raising the white flag,
I let you hide,
all my life.
And you still take me for granted.
But you still hide yourself,
so now im moving on,
by myself.

When i scream,
my screams dont hear me.
When i cry,
my cries wont save me.
Im so mad,
at myself for being,
all this time i was a lie.
I was too kind,
always saying 'nevermind'
Now im raising the battle flag.
I'll take my own stand.

Hiding under ground,
all my life.
Always raising the white flag,
I let you hide,
all my life.
And you still take me for granted.
But you still hide yourself,
so now im moving on,
by myself.

Walking on the ground,
all my life.
Always trying to put me down,
I'll let you run,
i'll let you hide.
But if you still take me for granted,
I'll make you cry.
So now im moving on,
never die.

So, please. please.
dont take me for granted.

Alice in the wonderland isnt happy.

2010-03-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

Alice,oh dear Alice,
you dont look that happy.
Alice,oh dear Alice,
What made you so lonely.

Alice,your story is a fairytale,
Alice,your life is a fairytale,
is there no such thing as a,
happy ending?

But you need to know,Alice,
that life is harder than it seems.
In reality,there is no happy end.
Cause when we die,the tears are not pretend.
So Alice, bring me back to wonderland.

Alice,oh dear Alice,
Tell me what is like,
to be in Wonderland.
Alice,Oh dear Alice,
Your life is what we dream,
yet you dont seem happy.

Alice,oh dear Alice,
Your story is just a fairytale.
Alice, oh dear Alice,
And fairytales always have a happy end.

But you need to know,Alice,
that life is harder than it seems.
In reality,there is no happy end.
Cause when we die,all the tears isnt pretend.
So Alice, bring me back to wonderland.

The blue dress that you wore,
no tears or blood stains there before.
The key necklace that you hang around your neck,
have you ever wonder it opens which door?

Alice,oh dear Alice,
the queen is after you again,
Sent the bunny with you down the drain.
Chasing you like a cat and mouse game.

Alice,oh dear,Alice,
Are you lost in wonderland,
Alice,oh dear Alice,
Is no Bunny helping you stand?

But you need to know,Alice,
that life is harder than it seems.
In reality,there is no happy end.
Cause when we die,all the tears isnt pretend.
So Alice, bring me back to wonderland.

Are you falling so hard,
even in wonderland?

Adore you but you'll never notice me, my angel.

2010-03-12T05:01:00.000-08:00

I was sitting on the bench,
watching a thousand faces pass by.
Then i saw you,
you make it so unbelievable,
a person i thought it was never true.

My eyes followed you until you dissapear,
my body felt like running but i fear,
i fear,
all your friends,
all your guys,
Will laugh at you.
Just because you're too good,
And im just a girl,
and you're like a angel,
i can never chase after.
So what good does it take me to do?

Cause you're too high,my angel,
and im too deeper than low.
Cause you're too good,my angel,
and im just a fool.
Thinking you could be mine someday,
but i know my angel,
you will never even know my name.
My dear angel.

It took me a million times to say in the mirror,
to say those three words to myself that i fear,
and it'll take more than eternity to say it again,
but i know i can never even be your friend.

Each time i walk past you with my friends,
I felt like a different person,i'll pretend.
Cause the real me you will never interest,
is the real you that im in love with.

Cause you're too high,my angel,
and im too deeper than low.
Cause you're too good,my angel,
and im just a fool.
Thinking you could be mine someday,
but i know my angel,
will never even know my name.
My dear angel.

My dear Angel,
I know your name so well,
My dear Angel,
Can you hear yourself?
Cause someone seems to be screaming,
that person seems to be myself.
My dear Angel,
You just shine too bright,
My dear Angel,
you seem to be the light.
But my dear Angel,
But my dear Angel,
you just seem too far away.

Cause you're too high,my angel,
and im too deeper than low.
Cause you're too good,my angel,
and im just a fool.
Thinking you could be mine someday,
but i know my angel,
will never even know my name.
My dear angel.

So I ended up as the same room as you,
i sat at the back of the dark room,
I was always the one behind you,
You were always in the front,
You didnt know how i watched over you.
I adored you,and spend every second over you,
But you'll never notice me staring,
you'll never notice me crying,
Only through the pain,i could find a way to get over you.
We are so different,so far apart,
and yet my hearts sticks to you without you to know.

Keep my heart safe,
keep my heart weak,
And so, I love you dearly,
My Dear Angel.

My guardian evil angel keeps fxcking my life up.

2010-03-08T06:02:00.000-08:00

Everyday i live,
everyday i grow weak,
but something watches over me,
flys over me but i can see.

A human will black dark wings,
the fangs cutted me deep,
blood dripped to its feet,
and i turn pale,i turn weak.

My guardian evil angel,
watches over me,
to see if theres any devil,
trying to catch me,
and when i get caught,
i will bleed,
Cause each of my soul,
each part cant breathe.
every part of my masks,
it will scream.

Everyday i wake up,
hope to see it,
but only the wings,
it will be with me,
someday i hope to fly,
but i can see,
that the guardian evil angel,
dosent love me.

My guardian evil angel,
watches me over,
but each single day,
it takes part of my soul away,
so my body turns weak,
each time it ate me,
each time i bleed,
i scream for help,
but theres nobody.
The lonely house stands unholy.

One tear i dripped,
onto my feet,
one blood drop i see,
it devours me.
I try to scream,
but nobody saves me.
So i cry
but i cant see.
Im not blind,
to see why cant i be set free?

My guardian evil angel,
takes care of me,
put the price i'ved paid,
makes me see,
that my fxcked up life,
dont add up to anything.

Living alone is already hard enough,
yet i have a devil to take care of,
so the rain pours, pours on me,
the clouds,it covers the misery,
the smiles i put on to let everyone see,
that theres nothing wrong,
nothing wrong with me.

My guardian evil angel,
slowly killed me,
but i was devasted,
even though i knew it was coming,
now im gone and the devils' lonely.
To make it see,i was never happy.

Small steps dont work on this big maze.

2010-03-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

Im stuck in a Maze game again,
it only hurts whenever i losing my way.
But i tried to keep moving on,
and fight the sickness so i dont wither away.

But my vision slolwy blurred,
cant see the path no so clear.
Everything turned black and white.
Just now how the rain fell tonight.

Im slowly breathing in,
but it dont seem to work,
im slowly walking through,
the little maze of black fireworks.

It feels like i have walked a thousand miles,
it feels like my heart is aching in too deep,
Cause i dont know what to keep and not keep.
Cause the sun laughs at my fxcking misery.

I dont feel tired,
but my eyes sore alot,
dont feel like running no more,
let the nightmares i've fought,
catch me,i dont want to hide anymore.

Im slowly breathing in,
but it dont seem to work,
im slowly walking through,
the little maze of black fireworks.

All the circus clowns soon come to play,
and then it pours acid rain,
burning me through again and again.

The circus clowns pitied me,
and soon let me free,
but theres a scar which will remain forever,
is a place where the Maze of Devils.

Soon, dark clouds come again,
soon, it pours and rain,
soon, i drowned in pain,
soon..
so soon,
I am stuck in this Maze game again.

Tired,
so tired,
so fxcking sick and tired,
dont play,
dont play,
dont want to play this stupid fxcking game,
cause im out of it,
the easier path there is.

Cause if the small steps dont work on this big maze,
then i'll be forever stuck in this maze game.

Breaking down,
screaming for help,
crying now,
no turning back now.

Save me,
from the valley of misery,
Hold me,
or else i'll keep on falling ,
but something tells me,
that no one is listening.

This is a maze,
a maze where people hides their fears,
the place where created all those tears,
i dreamed of this place in black and white,
now finally faced it personally in real life.

Oh its scary,
so scary,
i've tired to run away.
But something held me back,
and told me this was my fate.
So i stay back,
and be their fxcking slave.
To eternity,
where i was held captive.

This is a Maze,
a place i would never call home,
i tried closing my eyes,
but this place never close,
so i breathed in,
hoping this would never stay,
and i breathe out,
Finally known this was my fate.

Please come back,or the pieces you left will hurt me.

2010-02-27T05:34:00.000-08:00

Title: Please come back,or the pieces you left will hurt me.

Too much pressure is pushing me,
Memories you left behind i can see.
And i know it hurts just like you do,
now you're gone and,
a part of me will forever be seen through.

Cause i know it hurts to lose someone so close.

Come back to me,
cause i cant breathe anymore.
Let me see,
that you are what i adore.
But now you're gone,
and the pieces of you are hurting me.

Too much rain pours on me,
The floods in my mind i cant see.
Im bleeding and spilt open,
Im missing you and I have finally be burnt.

Come back to me,
Are else i'll bleed,
I cannot see,
Without you in my life.
So now you're gone,
and what they decide,
is to push it all aside,
and replace you.

No!
I wont let them do so,
but what power do i have in me,
to stop this freaking show.
I cant pull the curtains close,
someone help me,
im bleeding,
with the memories of you.

Please come back to me,
you're hurting me again,
You said you would pull through,
but i found you dead in your deathbed.
And one tear has finally fallen down,
when i thought i was always wearing this crown.

My mask has fallen,
i cant take it no more.
I miss you and finally the tears fall,
i thought i could wear this smile though it all.

But now,
I just cant.
Cause i miss you dearly,
darling, come back to me.
You're in the light,
too bright too see.

When i can join you in fate,
all this time was i the one to blame,
with you on your deathbed.

Please come back to me,
I need you more than words can say,
pouring my heart out on your deathbed,
i'll miss you till this day.
Why cant i get you out my head?
You told me what done is done.

So i said,
'I'll forever love you,my only one.'

Guard dogs needs some rest too you know.

2010-02-26T03:29:00.001-08:00

Title:Guard dogs needs some rest too you know.

Oh,im so tired,
im so sick of being one's guard dog.
I'll just be there when one gets alone,
You just leave me there if you have some friends.

So im the guard dog,
and I dont want to care anymore,
and i dont want to stand anymore.
Throughout my life i'll fall,
cause i really dont wanna care anymore.

'What is your meaning in life?' they asked me.
I had no single such reply. I'll be me.
Without caring for a single thing.

Im a guard dog,
i'll just stand there if you need me,
you just go away and just leave me,
im just a guard dog.

Why is it so cold,
all is it just the world?
Cause theres no happy faces to warm it up,
theres no warmth to pass about.

But im just a guard dog,
walking around in the same old cirles,
waiting around in the same thick fog,
cant seem to make anything out of it.
Im lost,
and i need help,
my senseless body wont help me no more.

Where is my dear owner?
does he just leave me here to bark?
Where is my loved collar?
Is leaving me in the dark?

If you dont like me just say so,
if you dont like me just get away from me,
let me be free, at least free from misery.
I'll stop pretending right now,
i'll let my mask slowly fall right to the ground.

But im just a guard dog,
always alone all along,
no solid friends to help guide me,
without hope i just cant seem to see.

Will someone please hold me tightly and never let go,
cause everyone seems to find me cute in the first place,
then soon everyone got tired of me so.
Where is my solid circle of friends i used to have?
Did they got tired of me and my shadow?
Love me,
Hug me,
Cause im cold and tired.

Why am i the guard dog?
When is my shift gonna change?
Cause im so tired,
i dont feel like playing no game.

It hurts, but i am not bleeding, its just my heart.
every single time i get the same old nightmare,
Living the nightmare from the start.
In that dark and heartless who no one seems to care.

So im just one guard dog,
how much can one dog take,
without no breathing space.
Im just a guard dog,
and the guard dog wants to give up.
The dog is so tired.

Im just only a guard dog.

At the edge of the cliff

2010-02-25T21:31:00.000-08:00

Title: At the edge of the cliff .

Standing in between mirrors,
looking through one by one.
See how jailed myself bewteen barriers.
All the mistake found,

So close to the end of the cliff,
all along i knew i took the wrong path,
but in the end, i never wanted to stop,
i just keep moving on.

Oh, look at myself,
see how far i've went.
Is the beginning coming to an end?

Stormclouds chased away the sun.
Now my shattered world has finally fallen.

Im at the edge of the cliff,
playing the fool to pretend it all,
one step closer then i'll fall,
All this time was it worth it all?

I knew the wrong way that i chosen.
I knew it was wrong all along,
but something inside that wasnt freedom,
chase me to meet failure,

is this the end of my story?
Hiding behind my shadow it seems.
Have i been pretending all along?
Is this my tune of my life song?

Because im falling,
falling,
im breaking,
breaking,
im crying,
crying.
im screaming,
screaming.

Im at the edge the cliff,
then i knew how life was precious to me.
Im at the edge the cliff,
the clouds wont save me,
the storm wont save me,
forever falling..
Take the last look of my life,
theres no way that i can look behind,
not now,
then never ever.

Is this the how the story going to end?

Is this a girls end of the world?

Is no hero going to save her?

I feel as if i've given up.

2010-02-23T05:57:00.000-08:00

Title: I feel as if i've given up.

Its because you're so far away,
each time i scream,i feel as if i've drown.
Cause no one seems to hear me,
are they avoiding me?

Is this all that i can be?
Have i given up my best?
Have i given up to be accepted in?
Is this my way of trying?
Cause nothing seems to work on me.

Lets go! Cause time is never waiting.
Give up, is that all that im saying?
So long now, i cant be afford to be dying.
Not dying on me now,
am i dying on myself now?

I gotta be strong,
but it hurts when you've been rejecting me all along,
Nothing seems to be working,
each time i bleed, i slowly fade away,

Does this mean i've given up?

Lets go! Cause time is never waiting.
Give up, is that all that im saying?
So long now, i cant be afford to be dying.
Not dying on me now,
am i dying on myself now?

Am i dying on myself?
Have i bleed dry myself?
Cause it dosent seem to matter,
how hard i try to ignore,
ignore the pain,
ignore the fears,
ignore all the useless waiting,
I cant fight all the fears.

Lets go! Cause time is never waiting.
Give up, is that all that im saying?
So long now, i cant be afford to be dying.
Not dying on me now,
have i already died on myself?

Cause it feels like im forever falling,
never gonna hit the ground.
And it hurts to feel like im actually falling,
it dosent seem like im flying,
so when am i gonna be free?

Have i given up today?
Have i given up now?
Cause i dont feel like fighting it,
im feeling too weak,
No ones getting it.
Im feeling so tired and sick.

Am i giving up already?

slowly..

but still without notice,

Oh god, look theres a bitch.

2010-02-21T02:07:00.000-08:00

Title of poem - Oh god, look theres a bitch.
Tribute to my dear friend who has been stepped on by a bitch.

My Dear friend, why do you seem so upset?
Who is the one that has stepped on you?
My Dear friend, does it matter to you,
where you dont even take it to your heart.

You'll find someone you love,
you'll find someone you truly care for.
All words now, crashing into your mind,
Let it fade away and just fly.
Fly for a day,
fly for a night,
It will let you feel like,
happy for your entire life.

All the things surrounds you suddenly flies.

Do you know, im standing there?
Always taking care of you?
It dont matter,
cause what she said, isnt true.

You'll find someone who dosent take you for granted,
You'll find someone who loves you as much as you do.
You're a good friend,
No, you're the greatest friend,
I love you(:

So now listen to me,
All words now, crashing into your mind,
Let it fade away and just fly.
Fly for a day,
fly for a night,
It will let you feel like,
happy for your entire life.

Open up your soul,
you are the most beautiful one around,
Cause she got no rights to take it from you,
Cause you are everything she wanted to be.

Open up your eyes,
let nothing stop you from flying.
Open up your heart,
see that all that you can be,
Is all that everyone is waiting for to see.

My dear friend,
dont let that girl take your smile away from you.
dont let that girl take your laugh from you.
Cause if you are trying,
trying so hard that you feel like giving up,
You'll find someone who cares for you,
You'll find someone who loves you as much as i do.

All words now, crashing into your mind,
Let it fade away and just fly.
Fly for a day,
fly for a night,
It will let you feel like,
happy for your entire life.

So let it fly and be happy all your life.

You are as one. But a million to me.

2010-02-20T23:51:00.000-08:00

Poem title : You are as one but a million to me.

Oh darling,you seem so sad today.
Oh darling, cant you look me in the eye?
Are you hiding,something from me?
Do you want me to let you be free?

These many ways you rejected me,
it hurts so much it feels like i cant breathe.
You said it once,said it twice,
you never loved me in your life.
Theres many ways,
many ways,
to say,
'I never loved you.'

Oh darling, you dont seem to talk to me.
Oh darling, i can just let you be free.
You dont have to hide,all those pain away.
But it will hurt more if i dont see you a day.

These many ways you rejected me,
it hurts so much it feels like i cant breathe.
You said it once,said it twice,
you never loved me in your life.
Theres many ways,
many ways,
to say,
'I never loved you.'

Then, i opened my eyes.
To know, i've always been pretending.
When you say, you never loved me.
I finally found my answer to breathe.
So now, i can finally say,
Each and everyday,
I never loved you.
I never ever one before loved you.

Oh god, it hurts more then i can say.
I've been lying to myself everyday.
I miss you.
You left as a part of me,
I loved you.
Now it seem im not me.

I've been crying everynight,
screaming everyday,
waiting,
waiting,
for you to come back each day.
Im bleeding,
bleeding,
without you,i've not been healing.

So if what i said was a lie,
that i never loved you,
Because i need you by my side.
And i dont feel like taking my own life.

So i will always need you.

Rose without its petals.

2010-02-17T05:18:00.000-08:00

You are the Rose.
Oh,so high and mighty.
When can i ever reach out
even though you're so close?

'Ouch' Im bleeding.
Your thorns made me bleed.
Oh yes, i've reached you.
But i cannot go through these thorns.
It hurts. Look what you've done.

You look so beautiful,
yet you are so deadly.

Your petals faded to grey,
and the moment turned silent.
And the petals fell off..
Day by day.

Where is your sun?
Oh dear, the sun has turn grey.
My heart covers your pain.
Let me be your sun.

'No' you said.
'I do not love you.'

So you died,
but somehow i died too.
Just how what you said,
it killed me.

'But..I love you.'
My heart aches.

Today, I am a Rose,
A rose without its Sun.
Why are the storm clouds blocking you?
Quickly now, i need you.
I dont mind loving you,
even if it means heartache to me.

Rain, it pours down on my weak petals.
Faster now, Sun,
be my shelter.

Darling, why are you hiding?
Are you running away from me?
Among all the grass patches,
how come you're not shining on me.

I'll bloom someday,
i'll bloom.
Just without you.

Darling, like a chess game.

2010-02-13T21:57:00.001-08:00

Darling,come closer,
you'r stuck in the chess game again.
Darling, move further,
you're starting to make me bleed again.

All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
in their crowns.
All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
and all fell down.

Darling,the king of hearts,
darling,the queen of spades.
All of them are bound to fade away.

All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
in their crowns.
All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
and all fell down.

And they danced around again,
Like a chess game,
all the pieces come to play again.
All the horses,
all the castles,
protect my dear king,
my dear queen,
OH,DARLING !

All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
in their crowns.
All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
and all fell down.

Darling,the king of hearts,
darling,the queen of spades.
All of them are bound to fade away.

All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
in their crowns.
All the kings and queens,
dance around,
dance around,
and all fell down.
And they all fell down.

The flowers died with you.

2010-02-11T03:23:00.000-08:00

A short story - The flowers died with you.

When i was a little boy,
i used to love flowers.
But all my friends laughed at me about it.
So after all this years, i kept it as a secret.

Until one day,
when i met this boy,
he was quiet and unreachable and often space out alot,
cant get whats he thinking sometimes, and yet,
this boy could perfectly understand my love for flowers.

He never laughed at me before.
Never.
I felt accepted for the way i am.
And each day after we grew closer,
each day he would buy me different flowers.

He made me happy.
So blessed happy.

But one day,
just this one day,
broke us apart.

"Dont die,"
says the quiet boy who now seem loud.
"Look,darling.I bought for you Roses.."

I left him.
Just like that.

on my coffin,
the red roses dont seem pretty anymore.
Maybe its because its on my coffin,
not on my soft hand.

From that day on,
my friend hated flowers.
What flower you love the most,
goes down with you when you die.

Years passed,
yet he never seem to forget me.
"Darling look,the plants are dead."

"..Long ago dead from the moment you were dead too."

love isnt fair.

2010-02-11T02:08:00.000-08:00

Tribute to someone so heart broken and lived.

They say love isnt fair,
but he say love is so fair.

Even though his lover died,
he never stop loving for him,

"In the past,present and future,"
"I will always love you" He says.

But how come their feet are so far apart,
yet how come their love brings them so close.

How come his lover is already flying without him,
yet he is standing here against the cold.

He has waited for thousands of years,
waiting for his lover to come back,
but he never did.

Like a bird,
soaring and never came back.

While this bird,
will forever stay on the ground looking up into the heavens,
waiting for god to give his lover back.

So one day, his lover covered in blood,
Said his goodbye.
A goodbye without its love.
Yet the weak one cried.

He didnt blame god,
He blamed himself,
for letting go of his lover.

Because god say love,
isnt suppose to be fair,
but he said love was always fair.

Even though the strong one never expressed his love,
he always knew it was burning alive for him.

He never regretted loving him,
not even for a second.

They took years to build up their love,
but it will take an eternity to break it down.

"Teme,I love you so much."
Says the boy.

Teme - Bastard in Japanese xD

illness of you

2010-02-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

I am sick,
sick and tired,
Of you..

I am strong,
strong and weak,
because of you,

You told me once,
told me twice,
you loved me.

Now i know,
its a lie,
it dont fool me.

I have a illness of you,
and i cant recover without seeing you,
i have a illness of you,
and i cant recover because of you.

Its a illness,
illness.
Illness of you.

I have cried,
cried and laugh,
because of you.

I have died,
died and lived,
because of you.

Told me once,
lie to me twice,
all your lies.

I have a illness of you,
and i cant recover without seeing you,
i have a illness of you,
and i cant recover because of you.

Its a illness,
illness.
Illness of you.

Its a strong sickness,
cant get rid of it.
Dont seem to recover,
infecting me as it is.

I have a illness,
i have illness..

I have a illness of you,
and i cant recover without seeing you,
i have a illness of you,
and i cant recover because of you.

Its a illness,
illness.
Illness of you.

Take a chance,
take a bite,
dont waste my time,

im over you,
how many years,
did it do.

I used to have a illness of you,
i recovered because i do,
Dont try to stop me now,
im strong,
leaving you here to die now that im gone.

Im gone,
Im - so long !

GONE.

MEMORIES STILL HURT .

2010-02-10T04:34:00.000-08:00

Thinking back,
how we met,

It hurt.

Thinking back,
How we laughed,

It hurt.

Thinking back,
each tear i cried for you,
now thats nothing left to do,
Wont you come back,
come back to me.

Looking back from 5years from now,
Taking back every single love found,
thinking back how we used to fell,
we fell,

It hurt.
My memories still hurt.
Thinking back,
how you were the one,

Thinking back,
what you have done,

It hurt,
does everything of you hurt?

Looking back from 10years from now,
Taking back every single love found,
thinking back how we used to fell,
we fell,

It hurt.
My memories still hurt.

It pains me to say I STILL LOVE YOU,
It hurts me to say i cant get rid of you.
Thinking back, Looking back,
...
how it hurts to just stand here in this wreck.
How confused i am right now,
i cant seem to breathe,
all thats left of me right now,
is the memory we used to live..

Looking back from my life now,
Taking back every single tear found,
thinking back how we used to love,
to love.

It hurt.
My memories still hurt.

So i dont wanna thinking of you,
may this thoughts fade,
fade far away,
cause each time i think of it,
it hurts.
It hurts.
It really really hurts.

Missing puzzle.

2010-02-03T05:38:00.000-08:00

Tittle: Missing puzzle.

Out of all the colourful pieces,
One was all black.
A part of it was painted in tears.
Carving all the pain out of this picture.

Its a missing puzzle,
That made it seem like,
everything was adding up into nothing,
Just because of a Missing piece,
The puzzle was incomplete.

Out of all the problems,
this was the hardest to fix it in.
Out of all the thinking,
this one seem to be in nothing.

Its a missing puzzle,
That made it seem like,
everything was adding up into nothing,
Just because of a Missing piece,
The puzzle was incomplete.

Where are you?
I cant find you.
I need you to be my
Missing puzzle of my heart,

I said where are you?
I miss you.
My glass heart is incomplete,
without you,
nothing is adding up in my life.

Just because of a missing puzzle,
that made it seem like,
everything is adding up to nothing,
every of my glass piece is missing.
Just because of a freaking piece,
my life turned into nothing..

Roads to No where.

2010-01-27T05:05:00.000-08:00

Im a road ,
leading to nothing ,
Im a street,
full of emptiness.

If theres a path,
dont take this lead,
because who those did,
will feel the pain like me.

Choose the brighter roads ahead,
and dont be a failure like me,
Choose the clearer roads ahead,
who dosent want to succeed?

If theres ever any chance,
i'll find someway to Lead,
and be the only one standing,
Of The Roads To No Where i'll Be.

Im a black road,
Meaning nothing,
Im a broken road,
that no one once to fix.

Dont walk on me,
i beg you,
Dont step on me,
Im on my knees.

Choose the brighter roads ahead,
and dont be a failure like me,
Choose the clearer roads ahead,
who dosent want to succeed?

If theres ever any chance,
i'll find someway to Lead,
and be the only one standing,
Of The Roads To No Where i'll Be.

Strong enough to cry.

2010-01-18T04:17:00.000-08:00

I was once a wall,
i was leaned on.

Now i want to lean on,
instead of falling.

I wish i was strong enough to cry,
i wish i was strong enough to breathe.
i wish i was strong enough to just be me.

I was once tears,
always dripping on ones face.

Now i want to cry the tears,
instead of always being feared.

I wish i was strong enough to cry,
i wish i was strong enough to breathe,
i just i was strong enough to just be me.

Because i had been a bird once,
locked up in my cage,
now the doors open,
i still cant find my way,

Why is it so dark,
i cant see a thing,
the only goal now is to
get out and live.

I wish i was strong enough to cry,
i wish i was strong enough to breathe,
i wish i was strong enough to just be me.

Please dont tell me,
you dont love me anymore.
You are once my light,
now im without sight,
only the depths of the shallow darkness,
will be my cage inside of me.

I wish i was strong enough to cry,
i wish i was strong enough to breathe,
i wsih i was strong enough to just be me.

Belle - Someone has broke someones heart before ;
Someone has been broken by someone before .

My dearest sweet lullaby,

2010-01-02T09:46:00.000-08:00

My dearest sweet lullaby,

How come you are not here tonight?

Singing at the full moon's light.

I cant sleep without you by my side.

The rain pours down on my shattered glass,

Lying on my bed, alone in the night.

Trying to put you and your memories to the past.

How come you are not singing tonight?

How come my nightmares are coming back?

How come without you there is no light?

Not even the slighest in the dark sight.

My dearest sweet lullaby,

come back to me,

i cant sleep.

"In the morning,"

"Everything will be fine."

What they said was a lie.

Cos' my heart still hurts,

and i still miss you.

Without your voice,

Im a wall that can be seen through.

I stumbled,

I fell.

Without your lovely hands to help,

i cried in the shallow silence,

i screamed in the darkness drew towards me.

I miss you.

Can you hear me?

Without your dearest sweet lullaby,

another nightmares awaits for me at night..

OHHHHHHHHHHHH NEWYEAR LAI LE .

2010-01-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

NEWYEAR LAI LE .

MORE PEOPLE GETTING HEARTBREAK AS TIME PASS .

im not heartbroken,

i just cant understand why ppl break ppl hearts.

Humans are not toys are they? they have feelings too right?

Those who wans to keep flirting ,

never will you find true love.

Time and time again ,

i seen love dragging them to hell.

Time and time again ,

I saw my closest one pour out her heart for love.

why do we stumble and fall upon love,

why?

Please,
the earlier you let her/him go,
when you know shes not the right one.
Let him/her go.
The longer , the more hurt she/he gets.
Even if you dont care,
we are humans,
we stick together,
if you dont care and i dont care,
this world will turn cold.
No one to lean and depend on.
No one to trust.
We are humans. [:

Omfg, my com kena virus !

STAY BACK !
STAYYYY BACKKK !
XD WISH MY COM OKAY LIAO ~

MY SOMEONE .

2009-12-28T03:07:00.000-08:00

Tribute to someone close.

He may look fine.
But he lost you.
He may seem fine.
But his heart was ripped out.
By you.
He may smile.
The face that hide such sadness and regrets.
Losing you was his biggest pain and mistake.

How could he live without you.
The scar is there.
The blood is there.

"Come back to me" He says.

"I need you more than air itself."

He cries.
He cries for you.

He had a bad dream.
A bad dream about you.

Lost in you.
Cant breathe.
Drown.

Now he is all alone,
alone and bleeding.

Belle - It takes courage to love someone,
Be strong, my friend. Take your time to heal.

I WISH YOU A MERRRY MERRRY XMAS .

2009-12-24T19:07:00.000-08:00

HALLLLO .

EXCHANGE YR PRESENTS COS SANTA IS HERE XD

HAPPY CHIRSTMAS. actually i dun celebrate xmas de lahs, but thn who ever is celebrating,

just wish you a happy xmas .

i oso wan celebrate. Thn can get free presents [:

Nth much to do in the holiday hor?

Tmr is the anime-con.

Cfm got Naruto cosplay de lohs :D

Either im going in normal clothing or just not going at all.

One of my close frens going to the animecon in cosplay.

I wish her all luck!

Thn i ask her if got Naruto or Kuroshitsuji,

help me take pic or video LOLS.

Once again, HAPPPPPYYY , MERRRRRRY , CHIRSTMAS.

May you get lots and lots of presents xD

HOHOHOHO .

BIRTHDAYYYSS .

2009-12-14T05:55:00.000-08:00

BRITHDAYYS .

TODAY IS RACHEL'S BDAY.

I GOT GIVE HER PRESENT ,

BUT SHE NVR GIVE ME xD

First we went escape theme, i never play haunted house lah, too scared to play agn.
Angela went in and regret it. I play Ferris wheel with Nicole, safe and alot of talk time. like above the world [:

I play a mini roller coaster, LOVEEEDD IT :D

After me, js , nicole, rachel , hl go bugis play arcade awhile and we shop awhile and thn go home.

But then, today is also Ciel's birthday..

WHAD TUHH TO DO,
WHAD TUHH TO DO..

CANT I DO ANYTHING FER HIM ?

HMM..

UMM..

UHHH...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIEL (!)

LALALANDD .

2009-12-11T21:53:00.000-08:00

HEYYO . I DREAMT THE BEST DREAM EVERRRRRRRRRR !

Naruto + Kuroshitsuji .

Sasuke and naruto.

Ciel and sebastian.

They were in a class tgt.

Sasuke and naruto sititng beside the windows,

ciel and sebastian sitting at the back.

This weird old guy : Ciel, you killed someone didnt you?

Naruto: WHATTT?!

Ciel: What proof do you have?

Wierd old guy: I message all of them that Old teacher died, you were the only one that didnt reply the message. All of them was shocked.

Ciel: I find it a waste of time to reply such a case.

Wierd old guy: That proves you guilty!

Naruto,Sebastian: How can you say that?

Sasuke: It could be one of the students play dumb?

Ciel: Hmfp.

Wierd old guy: I know its you! I know it! - runs away-

Naruto: Did you? o.o

Ciel: Get your face out of my face.

Naruto: Eh?

Sasuke: Hey..

Sebastian: Whats wrong..?

Sasuke:.. Dammit.

Sebastian and Ciel smirks [:

tommorow is a brand new day.

2009-12-06T06:35:00.000-08:00

TMR GOING WATCH NEW MOON WITH MY BESTFREN .

AWW, SHLD I BE HAPPY OR SAD? I WILL BORE TO DEATH .

WHADS SO GOOD ABT TWILIGHT D:

NO OFFENCE TO THOSE WHO LIKE IT .

ANYWAYS TMR I WILL BE WATCHING IT.

TEXT ME IF YOU LIKE TMR ,

I WILL BE HAPPY ENOUGH TO ANSWER :D

BYEEE ! 14DEC CIEL'S BDAY OMFG .

COMING SOON ~~

how should i celebrate it..

hmm...

umm...

well...

ehh...

............

I'VE BEEN DREAMING AGAIN ._.

2009-11-26T21:33:00.000-08:00

IVE BEEN DREAMING AGAIN ._.
Wonder what did i dream this time?
You could have guessed it. :D
You might have guess it. :DD

Kuroshitsuji!

Ciel: We need to get Three hidden books.

Sebastian: In this lilbrabry full of traps?

Ciel:-Nods-

Madam Red -Ciel's Aunt- : Oh my..

Ciel: Sebastian and I would go up there to get it.
Madam Red you still here and dont let the door close.

Door-Metal door thats going up and up slowly to close- GET WHUDD I MEAN? O_O

Ciel: So here's book1.

Sebastian: I found the book3.

Ciel: Dammit wheres Book2?

Sebastian: Oh.Ok. Found it. It was below me.

Ciel:......Lets go. Quickly, before that door closes.

So they ran out.

Ciel: Hey wait, didnt Undertaker said something about the Hidden Snake book that brings them all together? We have to go back.. Again. With those dammit traps. ._.!!!

Madam Red: Im just a woman, i cant hold.. this.. door!

Ciel: Try, okay! I'll be back as soon as i can!

Sebastian: Take care... ! Oh! Madam Red, let me help you.

Ciel: Oh, god dammit. Whats with those traps.. Oh the hidden snake book.

Runs back.

Madam Red: Faster Ciel! Faster! Sebastian! Are you using any strength at all?

Sebastian: I think i am. But i cant spoil the door, that will gain the guards suspect and they will know that there are missing books.

CieL: God dammit, the door is hurting me. I dont wish to be stuck.. Here..
Up here..

Sebastian: Yes.

Madam Red: GO SEBASTIAN!! YIPPY!

Ciel: Thank god im a small boy. If not i've would have be dead.

TIMEEE TO WAKE UP D:

2012?

2009-11-23T06:31:00.000-08:00

do you believe it will happen?
Do you believe we'll all die when it comes?
Do you believe..
2012- world ending.

The waves will come, the strong wind, the gound shakes, fire everywhere.
Will you survive? Will you live on to tell the story?

I just watched the movie today ]: CRIEDDD. but im so scared it will happen i dunno if i make it out alive anot. sure we all want to get out alive but that whad you have to fight for the survive. I dunno care if i die.. maybe i do i dunno. i dont wish to scared myself. if it happens, it happens. what more can we do to stop our world from dying?

is mother nature angry? how can we stop mother nature. we cant. cos we are living on her and if she gets mad, she gets mad. all we have to do is fight for our lives. Treasure everything.

Do you believe the end is near?

Sacifice me.

2009-11-19T05:01:00.001-08:00

Tittle : Sacifice me

Black Roses rise from the dead.
The bright light start to fade.
Oh,but now who will lead the way?
Those who belived in god?
Or those who believe in all..?

[c] Sacifice me,
I must have a use.
Sacifice me,
and tell me,
how it feels..

Black petals start to fall,
Raindrops wants to have it all,
Have the human, take control,
and leave them to grow old..

[C] Sacifice me,
I must have a use.
Sacifice me,
and tell me,
how it feels..

Tell me,
tell me,
TELL ME..
How to be one so cold,
how to be one so heartless,
do you think i want to be,
to be , like me?

[C]Sacifice me,
i cannot take it any longer!
Sacifice me,
and make me to live forever!

Sacifice, sacifice, sacifice,
ME! Oh, ME!

Make me special,
can god hear my prays?
Will he answer them?
Or will i still,
be one;s prey?

Tell me,
Sacifice me,
Show me,
what its like to be..
different.

But we're all the same.
All humans..

[c] sacifice me,
I want to have a use,
Sacifice me,
and tell me
how it feels..

O_O WHUDS UPPPP !

2009-11-19T04:50:00.000-08:00

WHUDS UPPPPPPPP !

Today redcross was fun! [abit lah]

I sort out things. from Instant noodles to toothbrush to towls to milo to toothpaste to tissue packets to biscut. Biscut was the most. ssoooo hard to sort them out cos got alot! Thn, Cream crackers.. YUMMMY.. instant noodle.. YUMMMYY [:

TODAY FIRST TIME GO REDCROSSS HQ. HEEEHEEE! NOT BADDD.

CIELLLL... UNTIL NOW STILL DUNNO HOW TO DRAW YOU WELL.

WHO IS AN ART EXPERT?????!! COME TEACH AND HELP ME OUT HERE T_T

HAPPY BDAY JEREMY-TODAY- AND CLARISSA -TMR-
~

CLAR SAD THAT JEREMY OLDER THAN HER BY ONE YEAR!! OH WELL,

TODAY RAIN WHEN I GETTING ON PLAZA SING BUS ._. PERFECT TIMING?!

UH, got lost today. [PAISEH]

TMR GOING LAN SHOPPLAY LEFT 4 DEAD WITH CHANG AND MY SIS AND WHOEVER

STILL CANT GET ENOUGH OF IT! <3

CIEL <3
KUROSHITSUJI <3
F4<3

CIELLL

2009-11-18T04:33:00.001-08:00

CIELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CIELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL C I E L -OMFGGGG !
<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

I.L.Y SO MUCH :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

YOU MADE ME REALISE WHUD MY REASON OF LIVING .. [CANT TELL YOU ]: ]
YOU MADE ME DRAW YOU EVERYDAY ..
YOU TALKED SOME SENSE INTO ME ..
I FEEL YOU UNDERSTOOD ME ..
OH, I LOVE YOU :D

YOU GAVE ME A REASON TO BREATHE

CIELLLLL :D
AGE: 12/13
BDAY : 14 DEC
PARENTS : Lord Vincent and Lady Rachel

READ ALL
please and thank you

Prior to meeting Sebastian, he was a slave and a sacrifice in a cult ritual. During one particular instance where Ciel was being tortured, his hatred for his torturers culminated in his accidentally summoning Sebastian. He then commanded the demon to kill all the people in the room. During his time as a slave, a mark was burned into his back; in the anime adaption, it is found on his left side, near his chest. He does not want anyone to see this mark and appears to not enjoy physical contact, though he tolerates Sebastian and does not complain when the demon picks him up or holds him. If he is stressed, he will slap someone touching him away, proclaiming, "Don't touch me so easily!" This is a negative influence of the trauma he underwent during his time as a slave.

He is portrayed as emotionless, though he occasionally expresses concern for the well-being of the few close to him. He worries for Sebastian's well-being; however, he ultimately looks at Sebastian as a pawn. There have been times when he wishes for Sebastian to fail a task or request, for humor's sake. He is close to his cousin and fiancée Elizabeth, seeing her as an important friend and someone he needs to protect.

Ciel turns thirteen part of the way through the story, though is hesitant to celebrate his birthday due to the death of his parents occurring the same day. This tragedy changed him, making him not want to lose anyone important again.

At the end of the anime adaptation, with his revenge completed, Ciel awaits for Sebastian to devour his soul. His final order is to make the process as painful as possible.

As a side note, Ciel appears to enjoy drinking tea (he is adept at distinguishing between different types) and eating sweet desserts. In the manga, he knows how to use guns and even keeps one under his pillow, sometimes bringing a concealed gun with him on missions and has been shown to be a proficient hunter. He has asthma, which was inherited from his mother.

DRAWWWWINGGGGGGGGGG .

2009-11-16T20:12:00.000-08:00

NOWADAYS , I FEEL LIKE DRAWING ..

HMM, WHY?

I DUNNO.

I've done ANOTHER Ciel Picture!

I know, it cfm sucks de rite?

Maybe you're rite, maybe you're wrong.

But i think i still have lots too learn from drawing.

i know im not the best in class in drawing. Sau ching or Ya qing is -IDC.

So, jy annabel. You have lots to catch up on.

I dont think some even KNOW i like drawing.

OH WELL, READ THIS

ANNABEL
LOVE
DRAWING

THANK YOU! GOOD BYE! <3 F4

BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG .

LA.LA.

2009-11-15T02:19:00.001-08:00

No,Dont come so close to me.
No, i never want to see.
No,No.

No, i dont want to feel.
No, i dont want to be what im not.
No,No,No,

This cant be happening.

No,No,No.

This is not what i've seen.

No,I never want to leave you.
No, but somethings tell me,
i have to.
No,No,No

No, it always fade away.
No, come back to me here,today.
No, i never want to be alone.
No,No,No.

No,

This is not a dream.

No,

This is happening.

No,No,No.
No,No,No.
No.

No, I want to be real.
No, I want to be remembered.
No, This is not what i feel.
No, Something cant go on ,i know.

No,No,No,No,No...

No...

dreams

2009-11-14T04:25:00.000-08:00

Okay. Weird dream. I dreamt it was in a manga form. read too much manga alr X_x

IN THE SWIMMING POOL ,
To do some research , not play. There were wearing that ^^^^ Not swimming tunks xD

THIS WAS WHUD I DREAMT - In manga form.

Ciel: These people are disghusting. Swimming in their own pee?

Sebastian: I assume this is what they call "fun" , Young master.

Ciel: Low-lifes. Walk faster, i dont want to stand a another minute here. This place disghust me.

Sebastian: Yes.

-Walks faster- (On the wet floor)

Ciels falls.

Ciel: Ah! I think i hurt my ankle. Damnned place.

Sebastian swats down and take off Ciel shoe,

Sebastian: If it is painful, shout Bear.
( I dunno why bear but this was whud i dream[: )

Ciel: B-BEAR!! BEAR!!

Sebastian: Young master, i havent even started yet.

Ciel: Uh, w-what? o_O

Sebastian: O_o

Than i got up becos of Redcross , oh well !!

We sold alot of this to stop animal abuse and stray cats!
Did you know stray cats usually die bcos of illness.
When i read a book about it, they so kelian!!

Almost cried.. I wanna own a cat next time!

F4- LALA LAND

BORED.

2009-11-11T19:42:00.000-08:00

BORINGGGGGG. REDCROSS PAINT BANNER - HARDD BUT FUN
LATER GOING PLAZA SINGGGG MEET CLAR, CHANG , RYAN ,KAY WEI AND OTHER PPL. IM LATE [:

i staring working an this new comic last night and until now, only half a page was done. LOL

-NOTE- my drawing sucks

KUROSHITSUJI COME OUT NEW MANGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA STOP AT 41 WHYYES?? T_T

I KNOW MY BLOG IS DEAD BUT MAYBE SOMETHIME LATER I WILL WRITE SOME OTHER POEM. IM NOT EMO OKAY !

F4- FORCEFULLY APART

EXPRESSION

2009-10-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

Those who wan call me act emo, dont read ._.

-Poem : Lost

my eyes are burning ,
my heart cant see no more.
.The spaces are opening,
to something bigger,
until i cant explore.

All thats left of us,
is our broken memory.
But something tells me,
You cant even see.

What its like to lose someone so close,
what its like to lose my heart.
From the beginning, from the start.
I gave you my heart.

Those lies you told me,
made me trust you.

But something is not right,
From the day we do.

What its like to mend a broken heart,
but not possible, it can heal.
What its like to feel something you have lost,
and make it all real.

Once so precious, now gone.
Once so sweet, now rotten.
Once so lovely, now moved on.

And left me here to fade.
On my own.

MUHAHAHA .

2009-10-19T04:03:00.000-07:00

Today was a exciting day i think o_o

I had to go to Chang bus stop. But than i overshot her bus stop and ended up somewhr else. LOL . Than chang come rescue me.
Than we go Takashimaya . Either we took the wrong train or we missed our station cos we talked and laugh alot.
So tired. walk here. walk there. Takashimaya nth to walk de lor. wasted sia.
we go kid's section shop shop LOL . we so bo liao. in the end we still got trouble finding the mrt again but end up at the correct place.

FINALLY AT HOME(: TIRED.

G4 - MISSING PUZZLE.

RETARDED FANGIRL .

2009-10-12T06:16:00.001-07:00

OMFG .
OMFG.

I found out a new anime . And im totally obessed wib it :D
im such a retarded fangirl . Obessing it worst than Naruto ~

Its Kuroshitsuji. (The black butler)
It not popular but who cares .
everyone got different taste so its okay if i like it or ppl hate it

INTRO: One of the noble families of England - Phantomhive, has a butler, Sebastian Michaels. He has unquestionably perfect knowledge, manners, talent with materials. martial arts and much more. But for some reason, he serves a 12 year old master...He carries out any task required from his master with ease and perfection, because of his secret demonic lineage and a contract with his master.

GAHH . in the end, Seb really takes Ciel soul..
BUTTTTTTT I HEARD THR'S A SEASON TWO COMING OUT AT JAN (2010)
OMFG . HAPPPYYYY ~~ ;D

<3 LOVE THEM TO HELL .
IM SUCH A FANGIRL

F4 - are we spilt apart forcefully again?

EXAMS WAS HARD YET OSO OKAY .
HOPE CAN PASSSS . MUHAHAHAHAA <3

A day at tiong park .

2009-09-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

HELLOS . The oral was okay and the cher was kind. Its was Miss Ina. Hope i pass lor.

Anyways after the oral, me and F4 with Atika ( My pri sch bestfren) went to tiong.
I was alittle late cos of oral, btw today got pizza and watch Night at the Muesum 2 sia! too bad it was only 1hour. CME period. Oh well, all good things come to an end.

Um, than after that Chang,Jess and Clar went to eat sushi, I went wib Atika go pierce ear. She ask me why i nvr wait fer her. I was like how i know you wan sia..
Than she laugh. Cute sia she. anyways, she go Think Tank pierce. She brave sia. But still pain, so after that i go popular shop shop and than we met back chang and they all.

chang requested we go tiong park. so we went lor. than, we saw the Singapore Idol crew doing some videoing , photo-shoots and stuff. LOL . i was like OMFG. but i dun really watch singapore idol, so i afew minss.. later than realise. lols.

After that they left, than we can play. they didnt let us play at first cos got sound. so we stayed quiet fer few mins lor. i didnt wan to play at all. i was sms-ing. didnt really care xD

After that, me and clar keep talking abt the ones we like . cannot tell :x than was like so so fun than chang was playing alone so after playing wib her awhile we all go home. Clar just walked home while me and chang take the Plaza Sing bus. free de xD

HEHEE THATS WHAD HAPPEN TODAY , AND JESS LEFT AFTER THE SG IDOL LEFT TOO.

F4 <3 FRENS TO NEVER BE LEFT ALONE.

DUN FORGET ATIKA TOO <3 YA . (:

Long time no blog!

2009-09-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

Long time no blog! My com suddenly broke down than had to buy new one. Going to have 2 coms! Exams coming so many sup. classes. Stress? Maybe lah. Maybe not(:

Um, whad else to blog.. nth much really happen, me and chang are still bestfrensssss.. went out alot .

Downloaded left4dead, scary sia. getting used to the zombies but the witch's cry and the witch not yet. Still, having fun! LOL. study...

Btw i changed my group name from G4 to F4 cos.. we seldom use the name GuGu GaGa~~ so on. F4 stands fer... I hope no chers' read my blog- Fucking four. I said it xD

<3 F4 tgt fereva!

Happy teachers day!

2009-08-31T23:14:00.000-07:00

Ytd was fun. we won 1st place in sec1 for the dance but 3rd in overall. (: But teacher going to treat us pizza! than, after that went to pri sch, saw a few teachers and said happy teachers day. Didnt buy anything. -Pai seh- than , chatted with Mrs Ho ( sci teacher) after that saw my ex ex form teacher ! SHE DIDNT RMBR US! ._. ZZ .

Than mdm yong oso bo come. hais. hope she is alright , all the best!

After that i went out wib atika and my sis . than saw chang in BMC lilbrary . (Bukit Marah Central) . We keep playing! SO FUNN!

i wish all teachers , all the best with life , may health lead you until you are old and a HAPPY TEACHERS DAY. THANK YOU FER TEACHING US EVEN THOU SOMETIMES WE MAKE YOU ANGRY(:

I must be invincible!

2009-08-28T05:53:00.000-07:00

I don't have nerves of steel
I have a heart that feels
I may have cried a million
tears but I wont drown
I let myself unfold
Gave you my hand to hold
You took me beyond where
I could see
And then you let go of me. .

Chorus:
I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
I must be invincible
I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Somethings strong and beautiful
Inside of me
I must be invincible

I don't have X-rays eyes
Don't have a heart so wise
How could I have known
you'd let me down
If I had known that then
my eyes were wide open
I still believe I would've risked it
There's no way I would've missed it

Chorus:
I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
I must be invincible
I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Something strong and beautiful
Inside of me
I must be invincible

Hey yeah yeah. . .
Its a blessing and a curse

Hey yeah yeah. . .
But you find out just
what you're worth.

I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
I must be invincible

I thought that I would break
But now I have come to see
Something strong and beautiful
Inside of me..

Very meaningful song! (:

Christian Bautista - Invincible

DANCEEEE :D

2009-08-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, i didnt blog alot of days le.. nth much happen actually. I actually had a arguement with Clarissa. But in the end just understand her much more(: <3

Today i went redcrosss!!!! :D i go park, to puck some weeds. YAY! it was dirty but fun! With clarissa and jessie! OH BTW, HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! and moving on .. err..oh rite the weeds, ya. i puck alot , but Jessie pucked the most. All the roots came out wib the soil LOL. and than we saw 2 ants hole. THERE WAS SO MANY ANTS CRAWLING . AND I TOT I SAW THE QUEEN ANT . OMFG. THAN WE RAN AWAY , SCREAMING ._.!!! (Even thou we had gloves. we scared the ants crawl on us. Seriously, there was alot!!)

Btw during english test, a bee flew in. Heng i finish my test le. But than i hiding behind my bag. it was like 5 -10 mins of terror when the bee came in. And still it was stuck on a light. ABOVE JESSIE. Teacher off-ed the lights and flew goes the bee!

Than at redcross i SORTA learnt first aid. I was a very slow-learner. Couldnt tie!! i dunno.. all i know is clarissa and jessie is better and much more talented than
IDIOTIC ME(:

And the aces day dance is coming on well ! We might have a good chance to win. WITH VERY NICE CLASS TEE. XD WISH US GOOD LUCK ON MONDAY. GOING BACK TO SEE GAN ENG SENG TEACHERS <3333 YA .

G4<3 where are you all now?
Have you forgetten this group?

so damn fucking tired .

2009-08-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

This week was one of the tiring weeks eva.

On mon and tue was okay.

On wed, i started to change my rm, and so my daddy dismental alot of things. It was past 12. than, i cant even sleep cos im not used to my "new" room yet.somemore i was already very tired after the muesmum trip. it was fun tho. xD

On thur, we went around the whole sg (Happy 44th bday <3) just to look fer some furni. but came back with nth. from afternoon to nite. WTF? so damn tired from ytd already!

on fri, i woke up late and came to sch abt 7.27 ._. so fucking late. i guess.. I ran abt 10 rounds fer my punishment even tho it was my first time, than after sch i had to stay back fer some sci retest and got back my buscard from DM.
After that, whad makes it worst is, i still got redcross. ._.!!!

My legs are cramping up and i slept fer the whole day. Now at least i feel better..(:

BLOGGGGING'

2009-08-08T20:57:00.001-07:00

Okay, i nvr blog fer very long le..

So i went to Angela's birthday party last time..

Now its Elis's birthday! So, we went to bugis. The "moving stairs" i forgot how to spell that ._. was very long and cold !! But it was fun. Nvr tot i could bond with Angela and Elis so closely.

Xue Qi and Nicole didnt turn up.. >_< Yue chang and me and angela and elis did ! xD
Than after we take the moving stairs, we went to the arcade. got 2 arcade. Elis and angela go first one , chang and i go second one.

We play the hopping game and i won chang but i less jumps than her. And i was first in the total ranking known as Bell xD cool. never liddat before.

So, after that i went down to play the first one but nvr see until Elis or angela ,
than we just play DDR - Dance,Dance Relvotion. The stepping with yr feet on the arrows game.

yue chang won me ._. and so, i moved on to another game. It was a catching game. The UFO CATCHER if im not wrong. have to get the thing with a dunno whads that call lah, and drop it down the thing. LOLS.

there was naruto plushies to get. And, Angela, with one shot, could get Kakashi and Gaara. ._. i tried $14 with my frens and i money lol. SORRY XD but still couldnt get Sasuke.Sadded. i was so wanting it until i forget abt money ._.

After that a few boys followed us and wanted to trade my Naruto for Sasuke.

I tot..so i turn them down. REASON : I wan to get Sasuke with my own hands!
I had alot of memories with my Naruto already. <3 him

Hope you had fun reading it cos i had fun doing it !

Im going to change my lame room into something new soon ! YAY

G5 <3 someone joined. dunno how spell her name. Malay de . sorries xD

My sorethroat is killing me ._.

2009-07-27T03:50:00.000-07:00

Today, in the morning i was fine. Than D&T i has a sibei bad hair day!

Um, after that, recess. wanted to be alone so didnt go down. LOL Than my sorethroat happen. So damn pain.

Now cant scream or even talk. Pain sia.. omg. My cough oso coming soon.

Now every5mins throat dry and it will be very pain. T_T Dun feel lik toking..

BACKSTAB AKA GOSSIP.

2009-07-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

YOU wan backstab me, than say it in my face. If you wan backstab me than why scared saying it in my face. You know this freakin' words can hurt someone anort?

Everyone has weak points and their "not-so nice side" i oso have i know. you oso. So you wan backstab, you think about yrself. Sure got ppl backstab you sometimes oso right? If you stop backstabbing, maybe ppl oso will stop.

Ya, i backstab before oso. But not so many times right?! I try to look at yr good side cos everyone has a bad side!
No matter how much you hate someone, still cannot liddat whad. Right?

Hope you can understand (:

Get the fuck out of my life.

2009-07-22T00:15:00.001-07:00

You know rite, i try playing nice when actully im really angry. I try tahan liao leh. z .

Now hor, i dun wan play nice liao. But everyone than like seem to hate me. Its sucks.
I knw i may get angry at times. But everyone does right?

Ok. im seriously starting to hate redcross. There no love there at all. Everyone is so cold. you know how hard it is for me to just fit in and play nice? You wan save ppl. You know , you cant even save yourself. You don't trust me. Never did.
Im talking about me saying the f word. Maybe i did, maybe i didn't . maybe i was just angry. but i oso never say to you right? So whad IF i did say lah..i mean everyone said it before right? So, ya.. i tried to make you like me. You hate me , if so.than hate for all i care. cos you're no one important to me. If you wan be my fren, i welcome you too (:

TODAY TALKING ABT THE WORD "ACT"

2009-07-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

I know i act. Everyone act sometimes (: Even the person reading my blog NOW. XD lols
Dun angry lahs. So, dont backstab me. i know i act. okay. everyone does once in a while. o_O Ya, i know ppl like to backstab alot. But try not to be too mean even if you hate me >_< Anyways, if you hate me any whr tell me lah, no nid gossip here and there. i try change can liao. :D So,ya. i admit i act (:

My naru ( Someone you dunno) o_o is birthday is tmr!! YAY happy birthday Naru <3 o_o

So, today got the poem thingie. I LOVEEE IT. I LOVE POEMS. IS LIKE EXPRESSING SO YOURSELF . SOO COOOOOOL. BUT VERY SHY TO SHOW. ;D BUT STAY BACK UNTIL 4.30 , MISSING MY NARUTO SHOWS THESE DAYS.

<3 G4

BOREDOM SAYS HI (:

2009-07-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

HELLLO PEOPLE. IM SO BORED TODAY. DIDNT BLOG ABT 2DAYS. today, have chinese test. Its an open book. YA THATS OK. BUT THERE ARE A FEW CHAPTERS IN IT. WE HAVE TO FIND FOR OURSELVES. WTF? HOW TO FIND TO FAST? YOU THINK I SUPERMAN AR? T_T last page - Incomplete. LOL

Okay, my baby bro keeps crying and im getting tired more each single freaking day. Have to be silent when arnd him when he slping. Or else he'll wake up, AND WHEN HE WAKES UP HE CRIES. Wish i could talk baby laugaga. Commuincate better with babies. XD

And so, After Jessie was kicked out of G4 (So Sorry >_<) She changed into a nicer person. I hope she kick the habit of backstabbing ppl liao. PRAY TO GOD. Must learn how to trust. I kinda miss (GoGo) Jessie.

But see first bah. (:
And a note, Rachel kinda needs to control her temper. And be more patient. Cos someppl are SLOW. Rachel <3 I DONT HATE YOU (: MUACKKSSS .

G4 <3 MISS YA JESSIE XD